Lead me not into Temptation
by Serenitas
Summary: Motoki manages to evade Minako's wrath and surprise her with the depth of his words as Usagi confronts her inner demons and makes a choice that will change her life. Mamoru waits with much anxiety to see if he managed to get through to Usagi at last...
1. Default Chapter

Hello all! This is the second fanfic story I've attempted to write, so once more I ask for you to please be kind and NO FLAMES please. This is another Usagi's strength one, but unlike my other story "Don't take me home," Usagi is not running away, rather she is a girl who cannot allow herself to feel any emotion for anybody and when someone gets too close she pushes them away. She is, of course, Sailor Moon and the senshi are involved in this. I would place this I'd say once again post Stars only Usagi and Mamoru never got back together after R and now her memory torments him. Once again I say that you should NOT read this if you like REI or CHIBI USA because I hate them and therefore am not kind to them. In fact Chibi Usa will be in this as little as possible. I also made Mamoru a law student instead of a med student because I'm sick of the whole med student thing and wanted a different spin on things. So I hope that everyone likes this story and I write based on reviews, so if I don't get any reviews, I won't continue the story, so review and be kind for reviews are my life!  
  
  
  
Temptation, that's what she was. She stood on every street just beyond his headlights. He saw her everywhere, standing on every corner and calling his name. She was his one obsession, his one joy and the one person he could never have. He longed to possess her, longed to be with her but she was someone else's and she hated his guts. Sighing, he kept his secret to himself and turned back to his law textbook cursing that hand that was called Fate.  
  
  
  
Temptation, that's what he was. He inflamed her senses and distracted her. Caused her more detention than she actually deserved and it drove her mad. Her boyfriend thought things were strange because every time she saw him she fought with him, they used the verbal parry and thrust to it's full advantage, driving everyone around them insane, and not caring. She would find out why he was the forbidden temptation to her and then she would think of him no more. She could not give herself up to the feeling of love, could not want or need anyone, could never allow herself to feel that emotion, though she was tempted, for he was pure temptation.  
  
  
  
Damned irritating, that's what they were. The brunette and the blond exchanged glances shaking their heads in disbelief. They truly had no idea how transparent and obvious they were about each other, rather thinking their thoughts were unseen and unheard. They dated others who were so wrong for them, but bore striking similarity to some aspect of their personalities, unwilling to admit that mortal enemies who would rather kill each other than kiss each other had some aspect of attraction to them. Having entered into a bet, nine girls, two cats and three men had decided to throw these two together or die trying, though given their stubbornness, death loomed for them all.  
  
  
  
Tsukino Usagi let out a sigh as she entered the arcade, wincing as she saw her ex boyfriend Mamoru sitting at the counter drinking his never- empty cup of coffee. She was convinced that caffeine was part of the reason he was such an ass. She had never forgiven him for breaking her heart two years ago, nor for leaving her with such a piddly excuse. She had found out about his dream when she began having it herself and confronted him with it, but stubbornness knew no bounds when it came to dealing with Chiba Mamoru and she found that after a time she could no longer care. She figured something must have occurred in the future because Chibi Brat was still alive and screaming. The thought of her future daughter made her head ache. She truly had no feeling in her heart for that little spore, all emotion having died after she had leapt off the top of a building after her to save her life and all she had done once they landed was scream at her for being so irresponsible that she had been thrown off in the first place. After that incident occurred, Usagi stopped caring. She distanced herself from the child as she had from everyone, putting her on the other side of that invisible wall that she kept around her heart. No one got past her barriers and she preferred it that way, she thought love made people act like they were fools and wanted no part of it.  
  
Sitting a few seats down from Mamoru, pointedly ignoring him, she smiled at Motoki and ordered a diet drink, forgoing her normal milkshake. She ignored the startled look on both his and Mamoru's faces as he brought the drink. "Usagi-imouto, are you ok?" Motoki questioned, concerned.  
  
"Hai oni-san," Usagi replied, sighing. "I'm just fine."  
  
"You seem a little…off." He persisted, not believing her for a moment.  
  
Usagi eyed him. "Motoki it's none of your damn business, so push off." She snapped. "I don't need any more people probing into my life."  
  
Motoki backed away grinning. So Usagi was in one of those moods today! He knew better than to talk to her when she was crabby so he lifted his cloth and proceeded to wipe down the counter near Mamoru who was watching her intently. "You are a moron." He told him as part of their daily ritual. Motoki had never forgiven Mamoru for breaking up with Usagi all those years ago nor for the hurt that he had caused or for how Usagi shut herself off from human affection afterwards. He told Mamoru that he didn't give a damn if he was Tuxedo Kamen or not, he was an insensitive prick who didn't deserve what Fate had obviously been so kind to give him.  
  
Mamoru glared at Motoki. "So you keep saying. What's got her in a twist today anyway?"  
  
Motoki shrugged. "You think I'm going to irritate her when she's like that? You must have stones in your head."  
  
Mamoru held his cup out. "Fill me up."  
  
Motoki shook his head. "I think you've had enough Mamoru."  
  
Mamoru fought a grin. "Yes barkeep." He chuckled, turning back to his book.  
  
"Studying again? All you do is bury yourself in those dusty law books." Motoki sighed. "There's a whole big world out there that you should be living in, a world where there are people and flowers and girls…" he trailed off. "I keep up a good front for you for Usagi, but I know full well you haven't dated anyone since her, though she has moved on."  
  
"No one interests me." Mamoru replied offhandedly.  
  
"No one will." Motoki shot back. "You love her, you want her and you can't have her and it's driving you mad."  
  
"No, you are driving me mad." Mamoru snapped. "My love life is none of your business."  
  
"Your love life is six feet under with lilies on the grave!" Motoki paused, "I know she and her boyfriend are having problems."  
  
Mamoru's eyes lit up. "Tell me."  
  
"No." Motoki replied, grinning like a fool. "Ask her yourself."  
  
"You are evil."  
  
"I know." Motoki laughed, whistling as he walked away.  
  
  
  
Usagi couldn't bring herself to focus on the writing assignment she had for homework. Normally she loved writing with a glee unparalleled and it was her writing assignments that kept her grades high, though she could never admit it to the senshi and Haruna-sensei was sworn to secrecy and hated every minute of it. Usagi had never been stupid though she allowed others to think that for it took the pressure off of her. Today had been another of those days where she questioned her own sanity at the end of it. Unable to handle the constant demands and pressure of always being the one who had to save everyone from those damn youma, she had snapped today, gone a little berserk and she knew Rei would bitch at her over it from now until infinity. She glanced over to the door, groaning as she saw the Inners walk in. If it had've been Haruka or Michiru, she would have made an escape, but the Inners would surround her like vultures circling a dying man in the desert. "God damn it and blast it to hell." She muttered glancing around.  
  
"Usagi!" Rei's obnoxious voice broke into her quiet curses. "Glad you're here. What was that form of idiocy that you did this afternoon?"  
  
"Can you vague that up a little Rei?" Usagi asked with saccharine sweetness. "I do so much idiocy in the course of a day that you are just being to generalized for me to know what you are talking about."  
  
Rei blinked for a moment, unused to hearing Usagi use large words in proper context. For a moment Usagi sounded intelligent instead of like the blond ditz that everyone knew she was. "I'm talking about when you tortured that youma before killing it! You had a clear shot and what do you do? You walk up and punch the damn thing!" Rei screeched.  
  
"So next time I'll take my temper out on you? Is that what you want?" Usagi arched an eyebrow. "Consider it done."  
  
Rei's jaw hung open while she tried to find words and Makoto leapt between them, attempting to break up the fight. "Come on you two, knock it off!"  
  
Minako nodded. "Right, lay off you guys!" she sighed. "Usagi it was just that it was unusually brave and coordinated for you, and you have no coordination and we were just wondering what you were trying to prove."  
  
"Or who you were trying to impress." Makoto added.  
  
"No one and nothing." Usagi snapped, tired of being cross examined. "Contrary to popular belief, I do have original thoughts once in a while, and I also am a better fighter than you think. Today was just a crappy day and instead of taking it out on you, I took it out on the youma so lay the hell off! And as for our usual meeting at the jinja, don't look for me because I won't be attending mainly because I'm sick of always going to that stupid jinja! We are always there and I've had enough. I'll call you when I feel more sociable." Usagi pushed past them and out the door, ignoring the stunned looks on their faces and the wide eyed look from Mamoru.  
  
  
  
The Inners glanced at each other shrugging. Typical Usagi, acting like a ditz and blowing up when she had a bad day. "So what set her off today?" Minako questioned Makoto.  
  
"She and Hitodri had another fight." Makoto replied. "You could hear them through the whole school."  
  
"Some relationship." Rei snorted. "But she's such a loser no wonder Mamoru dumped her so long ago."  
  
"Rei that was uncalled for." Minako said gently. "You know Usagi and Mamoru had something very special and they still do. They still love each other, but they are both too stubborn to admit it."  
  
"Like I care."  
  
Makoto and Minako exchanged an exasperated glance. "Perhaps we could try and push them back together. They sit and stare at each other when they think we are not looking." Makoto commented. "They tease and tempt each other, irritate and delight each other and yet neither one of them has the intelligence to do anything."  
  
"You know Usagi won't let herself love anyone." Ami's voice interjected, coming up behind them.  
  
Minako turned. "Hi Ami. How was juku?"  
  
"Somewhat dull today." Ami replied. "After the debacle this afternoon, anything would be boring."  
  
Motoki, who had been hovering around the girls shamelessly eavesdropping with Mamoru glided over. "Why won't Usagi let herself love anyone?"  
  
"The same reason she won't let anyone get close to her." Ami replied. "She loves no one, trusts no one, lets no one close to her and if they get too close she pushes them away and run. She won't even let us close to her. The most pure heart in the galaxy has somehow become tainted with mistrust and hurt and we are determined to figure out why."  
  
"Can I help?"  
  
Minako shrugged. "Can't hurt."  
  
  
  
Mamoru walked out of the arcade thinking on all he had heard. Had he done that to Usagi? Hurt her so badly that she could never allow anyone close to her again? He felt like a wretch every time he saw her, loving her so much. He saw her everywhere, on every street corner, in the face of every woman. When he drove he saw her just beyond the high-beams, he saw her nightly in his dreams. No matter where or what she did he always saw her everywhere. Wincing he realized that Chibi Usa was staying at his place tonight. That child drove him insane, no longer wanting to have anything to do with her, but unable to turn her out. Usagi had long ago broke the spell she had cast on her family and thrown her out of the house, unable to tolerate her bratty behaviour for another second. In a rare fit of showing her power, she had managed to make Chibi Usa bow to her will and he admired her for it. He thought that perhaps the senshi were right, he had to find out why she had turned inside herself so much and find a way to win her back, because he had made the largest mistake of his life when he had lost her, and he was determined to get her back.  
  
  
  
Usagi sighed as she lowered herself into the tub having left her so- called friends behind. She knew they didn't understand her and she didn't care. No one understood, no one could. Living by herself in this big and empty house, surrounded by the memories of a family she had failed to protect, she let herself cry. She could not give into temptation and succumb to Mamoru. She could not fall in love again. She had swept her soul of the last remnants of love years ago, not just because of him though he had been a factor in it, and now she was just an empty shell, not feeling, with a heart that had slowly grown as cold as a winter's night. Hearing the beep of her communicator go off, she swore profusely as she leapt out of the tub and lunged for her broach, preparing to head off into battle. The youma were attacking again.  
  
  
  
  
  
So that is the end of this chapter. Please let me know what you think and if I should continue on with this story! Please R/R but be kind. NO FLAMES. The Outer senshi will make an appearance in the next chapter and for the rest of the story. I hope you enjoy and remember I write on reviews, so please review! I'm hoping to top the 292 I got for "Don't take me home!"  
  
Ja ne! 


	2. Chapter 2

Well hello there! I don't appear to be off to a bad start with my new story although the reviews have to go up. Thank you for all the reassurance I have gotten though. To those who had questions, I will answer them in this chapter, so read and enjoy! Standard disclaimers apply…I do not own Sailor Moon so don't bother to sue me…  
  
  
  
As Usagi raced towards the location of the youma de jour which for once was not in the park but rather the shopping mall for a delightful change, she thought of how her life had changed. None of the senshi knew that her family was dead, none of them knew that she lived in that house alone. Her greatest failure was the inability to protect her family and it was her greatest and most frequent nightmare. It was years ago, just after the defeat of Nehelenia when one of the enemies, she figured it must have been Siren had attacked her family. She had thrown caution to the wind and transformed, revealing herself to her parents who were too busy being scared to care that their daughter was Sailor Moon. Trying to distract Siren long enough to get them out of the house she told them to run. They ran all right with Shingo into the car and sped away, knowing Usagi would find some way to protect them. They were wrong. Siren had known who Usagi was and she wanted to use her family as leverage to make her give up her star seed. She had taken off after that car chasing them and hounding them and no matter how hard Usagi tried she couldn't stop her. Siren had finally sent a youma to attack the car, sending them into the other lane of traffic and causing a nine-car pileup that no one had survived, but just to be certain, she had stolen their blank star seeds, turning them into a phages forcing Usagi to destroy them. They would not have lived irregardless because their injuries were fatal.  
  
She had wiped their memories long ago of Chibi Usa and Luna had left her years ago, preferring to live with a serious senshi. She was Ami's cat now. Usagi didn't care. By her parent's will she inherited all that they ever owned, including the house and all that was in it, and so she lived there alone, having used the ginzuishou to convince the authorities that she was indeed old enough to live by herself. She had never told the senshi of what had happened but preferred to let them believe her family went on a lot of trips without her. She had failed in her duty as Sailor Moon, failed to protect those who mattered most and it gave her another reason to close off her heart. She had not even cried on the day of their funeral, just stood there blankly, staring as they three coffins were lowered into the ground, unable to make herself feel anything other than a void of nothingness.  
  
Arriving at the battle scene, she saw that she was the first to arrive, other than Minako who had called it in and joined her. She didn't give her speech having realized the thing just took too much time to give. Almost detached she attacked, not caring how badly she hurt it, but wanting it to hurt. These youmas had slowly stripped everything from her, they had taken all that had ever mattered in the world to her making her a cold and almost heartless bitch. Lunging at the youma she threw it over her hip, sending it sailing through a plate glass window. Following it she lifted the thing and kneed it in the so-called stomach throwing it into a potted tree. Sighing she decided to take pity on the creature that was starting to wail in pain from her unexpected assault. Pulling out the Tier, she threw her attack and watched with blank blue eyes as it became human once more. She turned to see the other senshi and Tuxedo Kamen had arrived. Saying nothing she turned to leave.  
  
"Usagi." Haruka's voice broke the silence.  
  
Usagi paused. "Yes Haruka?" she sighed.  
  
"Let me give you a ride home. Your parents might be worried."  
  
Such a small phrase, such a simple phrase, but one that lanced through her heart causing her more pain than any other words could. "They are gone for a few weeks Haruka and I'm on my own. You don't have to worry about me. I'd prefer to be alone in any case." She replied walking off again. "I'll see you later."  
  
She left behind the stunned and silent senshi, not seeing the black shadow that took off after her to follow.  
  
  
  
Haruka turned to the other senshi, frustration evident on her face. "What has happened to kitten? Does anyone ever see her smile anymore?"  
  
Minako shook her head. "There is great pain in her heart and sorrow, but I can't figure out what."  
  
"How can you read those emotions?" Makoto nudged her friend.  
  
Minako put her hands on her hips. "I am the manifestation of the Goddess of Love you know. I can feel strong emotions in people and I feel no love in Usagi at all."  
  
Haruka sighed. "She's keeping secrets, no doubts there, but which ones?"  
  
"Perhaps the answer is only important if you ask the right question." Artemis, Minako's white cat interjected. "Ever notice that she allows no one into her house at all? She managed to get rid of Chibi Usa – no loss there in my estimation, and drove off Luna."  
  
"So what are you saying?" Michiru cut in. "That the answer to all her problems is there? I thought most of the blame lay squarely on the shoulders of Mamoru."  
  
"Oh it does make no mistake." Ami nodded. "But there is something else behind all this. When I first met Usagi, other than her frequent battles with Mamoru she was as shiny and cheerful and open as anything on this world. She embraced life and it embraced her back. She never recovered from their break-up no, and has dated total losers since then and over time just stopped speaking to us at all."  
  
"And her fights with Mamoru!" Minako added. "Like we don't know what's REALLY going on there!"  
  
"I don't follow."  
  
Minako sighed. "The two of them so obviously still love each other but are too stubborn to show it. They watch each other when they think no one else can see. Half the things she says to us, or he says to Motoki I am convinced they say so the other can hear and they can get their point across."  
  
"Minako's right." Makoto nodded. "I've noticed it myself."  
  
"So what do you want to do?" Haruka drawled.  
  
Minako giggled and rubbed her hands together. "With the help of Motoki and Yuuichirou (A.N – For the sake of the story he knows about the senshi and is friends with Motoki and Mamoru) and you guys if you want it, I am going to invoke all the powers of Venus to get them back together."  
  
Michiru's head dropped to her hands. "And suddenly I feel a great surge of pity for both Usagi and Mamoru."  
  
Minako let out a laugh that was almost a cackle. "Are you in?"  
  
Haruka's eyes gleamed dangerously. "We're in."  
  
"WHAT?" Michiru's head shot up as she glared at Haruka who shrugged innocently. "It's for the sake of Kitten Michi. Remember that."  
  
Michiru narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend. "You owe me." She hissed.  
  
"I'll pay you back tonight." Haruka murmured.  
  
  
  
Mamoru followed Usagi, a black shadow stalking her through the night. He noticed curiously that she no longer entered her house through her window no matter what time of day it was. He no more believed that her family was always gone than he believed that she loved this Hitodri bastard she was dating. His ex was up to something and he was determined to find out what it was. She walked back into his line of vision, entering her bedroom and his mouth dropped as she stripped off her clothes and flopped on her bed. Mamoru could not have moved if a lighting bolt had been headed right for him. He sat on the tree limb and stared at her flawless beauty. He frowned and leaned closer. Those marks on her skin…what were they. His eyes widened in shock as he realized she was covered in scars, most concentrated on her back and stomach. It looked like she had been whipped or something. Usagi slowly pulled herself off her bed and pulled out some pajamas, thick flannel ones that were like a tent.  
  
Mamoru shut his eyes convinced that the sight of a naked Usagi was going to be burned into his retinas permanently. He had never imagined she could be so beautiful. He saw how empty she was and how she gradually was growing bitter. He knew and he understood for he had been much the same way before he met her. Temptation, that's what she was. He had broken up with over dreams and she had been so furious she had refused to take him back no matter how much he had pleaded otherwise when he realized the error of his ways. She had not fled as he had thought she would, rather she stayed and faced him every day as he watched their love turn slowly to hate, her passion for him turn into disgust. As she grew older, she grew more beautiful and drove him to distraction. Case and point. He should have been at home studying for his family law exam, but instead he was stuck in a tree watching the woman who he yearned for.  
  
"Usagi." He murmured. He could not let anyone else know he still loved her, though Motoki and Yuuichirou had guessed – the price he paid for having best friends. They fought like two blood enemies and he had to keep it that way. He didn't trust the senshi for a moment and if they knew that he didn't hate her, he'd never hear the end of it. Groaning and deciding to call it a night, he let himself out of the tree and took off for his apartment, not seeing Usagi staring blankly after him.  
  
  
  
Usagi had known when he was there. Did he think her a fool? They had a bond and there were times when against all her better judgement, she used it. She didn't care if he saw her naked. She knew she was ugly, her body fat and scarred. The shrill ringing of the phone cut into her brooding and black thoughts. Lifting it she sighed. "Hitodri." She said tonelessly, listening as he went into a rapid explanation of how he hadn't meant to act like such an ass earlier that day. She realized she didn't care what he said or did, he was just another person to shut out. Sighing, she hung up on him in mid sentence and went to bed.  
  
  
  
Setsuna watched her princess worriedly from her gate. "She's shut herself off from everything and every body your Majesty." She reported.  
  
Queen Serenity sighed. "She can't use the ginzuishou like this."  
  
"I don't think she really cares." Setsuna replied. "She doesn't care about anything."  
  
"Not true, she allows herself one release. Her writing. Everything she thinks and feels is in the writing she hides from everyone. If we could get our hands on that, we can figure out what has happened to that girl. I cannot stand seeing her so miserable, and her agony cries out through time." Queen Serenity closed her eyes.  
  
"She is the Moon Princess so her hurt runs deeper than most."  
  
"We must find the catalyst here." Queen Serenity declared. "I'm ordering you to my daughter's side. Do not leave it until we figure out what is going on."  
  
"And if she gives me an order?" Setsuna arched an eyebrow. "Her authority supersedes yours."  
  
"Try to avoid having her give them." Queen Serenity explained.  
  
Setsuna nodded.  
  
  
  
Usagi lowered her pen, unable to sleep once more. She had long ago surpassed the need for sleep and now just existed on one or two hours a night. (A.N – Welcome to my world. Insomnia Central.) Since the middle of the night was when her best ideas came, she wrote. Reading over what she had jotted down, she decided to turn off the light and try to let some form of relaxation come.  
  
  
  
**Through the blackness she ran, unseeing and uncaring. Through the never-ending and all pervasive darkness that lived in her soul and fought to find a way out. The girl ran faster hoping to escape the horrors that she knew stalked her steps, unknowing that she could never outrun them, unknowing she could never escape them. The echo through the still air, the only other sound other than her rapid breathing were the words that spoke of damnation, the words that condemned her in any life…'Nevermore…'**  
  
  
  
And that is the end of this chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed it! Once again please read and review but be kind. NO FLAMES. I remind people that I write based on reviews, so no one reviews and I don't write and I have some great ideas for this story line. I know it's a little dark right now, but it gets better! Honest!  
  
Ja ne! 


	3. Chapter 3

Greetings all! Well I've been checking out my reviews for this story and they aren't all that numerous or encouraging for this particular story, so I'm going to give it another go with this chapter and if things don't improve, I'll be taking this story off FF.net and just posting it on my website instead, if I choose to continue it. So, I hope things pick up a bit, I'm sorry everyone seems to dislike this storyline and think it unoriginal. I thought it was quite original and not too badly, but perhaps my view is jaded. Anyway, here's Chapter 3. No Flames. Read and Review but be kind. Standard disclaimers. Oh yes, this Chapter is full of Minako mischief so if you like Minako, this is one chapter I think you'll like!  
  
  
  
Minako rubbed her hands together gleefully. Those poor saps had no idea what she had planned for them. They were the two most stubborn and irritating people on the face of the earth, madly in love with each other and unable to admit it. She figured this was just the thing to pull Usagi out of her doldrums. Giving a little hop, she positioned herself by the counter in the arcade, waiting for Mamoru who always arrived before Usagi. She winked at Motoki who rolled his eyes and groaned, convinced he was going to be pummelled into next week by Mamoru once he figured out what was going on. "Get me a drink!" Minako asked dramatically, partially laying on the counter. Motoki groaned again and almost ran from the counter to fulfill her order. Minako, hopped up on sugar, waited for her victims…or rather her friends.  
  
Mamoru entered and did his usual Usagi-scan. She wasn't there yet so he sat down on his usual seat with a sigh of relief. He noticed Minako had a wild look in her eye, a gleam he didn't quite trust in her. (Necton_Minako – sound familiar yet?) "Konnichi wa Minako." He nodded.  
  
Minako smiled at him and nodded. "Mamoru-san." She replied.  
  
Usagi walked in a few moments later, glancing towards Mamoru and then jerking her head back to the floor before anyone saw her normal reaction. Walking over to a booth, she slid inside it and closed her eyes, sighing. Haruna-sensei had given her back one of her papers today and as usual it was an exceptionally good grade, but she was starting to question how dark Usagi's writing had become. Usagi couldn't help it, all she could do was write what was inside her which right now was hurt. She hurt all the time from all the secrets she carried that she could tell no one about. Sighing, she pulled out some of her school books, she was in danger of failing math. Ignoring Minako who was hopping around the front counter and terrifying both Mamoru and Motoki, she tuned the world out. "Running again?" a smooth voice asked her.  
  
She looked up to see Setsuna who had glided across from her and sat there drinking a soda. "Where the hell did you come from?" she asked, startled.  
  
"Princess I am everywhere!" Setsuna spread her arms wide, smiling. "Being a trans-dimensional space being is so cool."  
  
Usagi giggled despite herself. "Why are you here?"  
  
"To find out what is wrong with you. You keep many secrets Princess, nonetheleast of which is how tempted you are by your ex-boyfriend who you refused to take back." Setsuna arched an eyebrow at her. "A reason I never fully understood."  
  
"I told you all a long time ago, he chose a dream over me and therefore what future did we have?"  
  
"Do you REALLY want me to answer that?" Setsuna chuckled.  
  
Usagi sighed and shook her head. "Setsuna, I'm busy trying to figure out quadratic equations here so if you could just leave…"  
  
Setsuna's eyes widened. "I'm shocked! Trying to get rid of me!"  
  
Usagi reached towards Setsuna. "Could you keep it down…" she hissed.  
  
"Asking me to leave like that!" Setsuna declared dramatically. "Minako!" she cried out. "She wants me to leave so she can work on math!"  
  
Minako's jaw dropped and Motoki and Mamoru's eyes widened to the point where they thought they'd fall out of their heads. Usagi, blushing to the roots of her hair quickly grabbed her books and tried to make a run for it, but Minako grabbed her as she was heading out the door. "Usagi how could you?" she asked, closing her eyes in apparent hurt. "To try to sneak out! To ask Setsuna to leave!"  
  
Usagi was fighting to get out of Minako's surprisingly strong grip. "Minako, let go!"  
  
Minako drug her to the counter and practically threw her at Mamoru. "Here, you two keep each other company while I try to soothe Setsuna. Motoki, make sure they don't leave."  
  
Motoki was convinced his face would never be a normal colour again. After Minako and Setsuna were safely ensconced in the back room, he turned to Mamoru and Usagi. "If you don't want her to strike again I suggest you leave!" he warned them.  
  
Usagi's face was priceless, having gone from thinking dark thoughts that tiptoed around death, most especially her own to thoughts of dodging Minako before she could cause more damage. She closed her eyes and tried to forget for a moment that she was in Mamoru's arms. She had tried to banish from her mind the memory of his cologne, the feel of his arms that now had reflexively wrapped around her. Fighting, she got out of his grasp and turned to him. "You couldn't have let me go any sooner psychic boy?" she snapped.  
  
Mamoru's eyes widened, obviously having been stuck in a reverie of his own. "I was TRYING to be concerned over you." He snapped back.  
  
"I don't need your concern. If I recall correctly you gave up all right to be concerned over me when you decided to believe a DREAM." She snarled. "Crazy people often hear voices in their head. Somehow I'm not surprised you decided to listen to the voices."  
  
Motoki beat his head against the counter. This was going to be impossible! They looked for any reason to fight! "Forgive me for being concerned!" Mamoru's voice raised. "I didn't want you to die!"  
  
"And you think this half life I'm living now is any better than death?" Usagi's voice raised, then she clapped her hands over her mouth horrified at having let that slip.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Mamoru's eyes widened.  
  
"Not a damn thing asshole." Usagi replied quickly. "I'm leaving before Minako returns. You stay here and act like a useless lump like you normally do." With those words she ran from the arcade, forgetting her briefcase which had dropped to the floor when Minako had thrown her at Mamoru.  
  
Minako came out and narrowed her eyes when she saw Usagi had escaped. "Well it's better to have loved and lost then never to have gone to the mall." She sighed.  
  
Motoki winced, Setsuna groaned and Mamoru shut his eyes in pain. "Don't you mean it's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all?" Setsuna questioned.  
  
"Right! That's what I meant!" Minako replied brightly. "I'm going rabbit hunting! Anyone want to join me?"  
  
Three heads shook, trying to avoid Minako. Minako sighed. "I am completely unappreciated for all the work I do around here." She left, forgetting her briefcase as well.  
  
  
  
Usagi didn't go home as planned, rather she went to the last place she would have ever gone voluntarily. Climbing the stairs to the Hikawa Jinja, she hoped she wouldn't run into Rei. Going over to the worship area, she knelt and said a small prayer. "Lead me not into temptation, kami help me to be strong, I can fight all that I'm feeling, but I can't do it alone. Help me break this spell that I'm under, guide my feet and hold me tight." She prayed. "Give me the strength to go on Goddess for I am so weak and alone."  
  
"That's news to me." A quiet voice said behind her.  
  
Usagi turned to see Rei in her priestess robes, shamelessly listening to her. "Rei." She said in a flat voice. "Ok, get the teasing and the yelling over with."  
  
"Is that all you think I do?" Rei's eyes widened.  
  
"Pretty much." Usagi confirmed.  
  
Rei put her arm around Usagi. "Would you tell me why you hurt so much?"  
  
"Would you tell me why you hate me?" Usagi countered.  
  
"I don't hate you." Rei replied. "I never have. I see potential in you, potential that is going to waste and I want you to be better than you are. If that makes me hateful then I won't apologize."  
  
"I never thought of it like that." Usagi admitted. "All I've ever seen was you harping at me for my mistakes and failures."  
  
"I've eased up on you quite a bit." Rei smiled. "And now I can feel the pain in you. You want to die don't you?"  
  
Usagi turned away. "I have to be going."  
  
"Running again?" Rei arched an eyebrow in a perfect imitation of Setsuna.  
  
"I can't talk about it Rei." Usagi murmured. "If you are my friend, please understand."  
  
"I won't stand by while you destroy yourself Usagi." Rei cautioned. "I am sworn to protect you, and that includes from yourself."  
  
Usagi shook her head. "It's not that simple Rei." Standing up, she ran from the temple grounds, still unwilling to return to her empty house.  
  
Rei sighed as she ran, lifting her communicator. "Haruka, it's up to you now. I crapped out."  
  
  
  
Haruka and Michiru watched as Usagi ran from the jinja and headed towards one of the parks the youmas tended to ignore. It was mostly deserted, the upkeep wasn't that frequent and mostly homeless people lived in it. Usagi willingly entered this park and headed for a bench. Sitting down she closed her eyes, convincing herself she was not running from Rei and her questions, rather she was running from Minako and her lunacy. "Kitten, what are you doing here?" Haruka's voice boomed in the silence of the park.  
  
Usagi closed her eyes. 'I'm convinced god is a guy.' She sighed. "Haruka." She nodded.  
  
"Why are you here?" Michiru asked gently. "This isn't a good place to be Usagi and you could get hurt."  
  
"No more than I have been." Usagi muttered, but Haruka and Michiru heard.  
  
"How have you been hurt?" Michiru asked.  
  
"Who the hell hurt you?" Haruka demanded. "How? When? Why?"  
  
Usagi shook her head. "I didn't mean it like that."  
  
"Then how did you mean it?" Haruka asked, "You don't just make a statement like that and then say nothing further."  
  
Usagi sighed. "Haruka, Michiru, I thank you for your concern but I'd really rather be alone right now."  
  
"You're so empty inside." Michiru said softly. "I don't need the Mirror to see that."  
  
"You want to justify all the hurt inside, yet you shy away from human affection." Haruka added. "You! The most loving and wonderful person in the world! The person who feels so much that I envy her!"  
  
"And now I feel nothing." Usagi replied, her eyes closed. "I can't let myself feel."  
  
"Why?" Haruka asked, placing an arm on Usagi's shoulder.  
  
Usagi stood. "I have to be getting home."  
  
"Running again?" Haruka and Michiru asked together.  
  
Usagi didn't reply, she just ran.  
  
  
  
Minako hung outside Usagi's room from the tree in her front yard. She and Makoto had threatened Mamoru with violence and blind dates until he agreed to bring Usagi's briefcase to her house. Giggling like a monkey she winked at Makoto who hung from another branch. Usagi had come home moments before and Mamoru was coming down the street. "Love is such a science." Minako sighed. "And I, the Goddess of Love am always so busy! Pity me for I try to bring love and joy to my friends!"  
  
"Would you shut up?" Makoto hissed.  
  
Minako shut up and tried to blend into the greenery, not an easy task in bright orange clothes. Mamoru knocked on the door and Usagi opened it. "What do you want?"  
  
Mamoru held out her briefcase. "You left this at the arcade. I thought you might want it back."  
  
"So I can work on quadratic equations?" Usagi's eyebrows raised. "I don't think so." She gave a half smile. "But thank you for returning it."  
  
Mamoru nodded. "My god you're being polite."  
  
"Don't get used to it bastard." Usagi retorted.  
  
Mamoru stepped closer to Usagi. "You've been crying."  
  
"I have not." Usagi said defensively.  
  
"Then why are your eyes all red and puffy?"  
  
"It's spring! There's pollen in the air!" Usagi snapped. "Go away!"  
  
"Running again?" Mamoru asked softly.  
  
Usagi slammed the door in his face. Mamoru glanced up at the tree. "Well that was a wonderful idea Minako." He snapped.  
  
"Especially since it's fall." Minako replied.  
  
Mamoru shook his head and left, leaving the home of his temptation. The urge to go back and force his way in the house overwhelming.  
  
  
  
Minako and Makoto were preparing to leave Usagi's tree when she walked into her room. Makoto hissed for Minako to keep still as they spied on their friend. Usagi threw her bag across the room, crying already. Minako's eyes widened as she watched Usagi lay on her bed and punch herself, self-loathing obvious in every move. After a few minutes, Usagi got up and went into her bathroom and Minako and Makoto scrambled out of the tree. "What the hell was that about?" Makoto asked, concerned. "She shouldn't be alone."  
  
Minako ignored her and reached out to her link with Usagi, to the bond that led to Usagi's heart and used her natural connection to love to feel Usagi. Her eyes widened. "Usagi feel nothing at all." She said, startled. "She's alone."  
  
"Her parents won't be home until later." Makoto nodded.  
  
"Not that kind of alone." Minako corrected. "And that loneliness is what she's running from, I think."  
  
  
  
Usagi was so tired she couldn't sleep. (A.N – I hate that feeling!) "So many secrets I can't keep any longer." She said, wretched. "I promised myself I wouldn't weep, one more promise I can't keep. It seems no one can help me now, I'm in too deep, there's no way out." Pacing her house, she let herself remember when she was loved, when her love was Mamoru, her greatest temptation and only desire. Doing something she swore she'd never do, she went to her father's liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle. She didn't notice what it was she started to drink, only that darkness enveloped her at last.  
  
  
  
Mamoru was unable to concentrate on his law studies. He yearned for Usagi and he looked forward to fighting with her every day. If that was the only way he could be in her life, he'd take it. He frowned as he felt an odd tugging sensation inside. Usagi had long ago broke the link the two of them shared and he never knew when or if she was in danger anymore. Shaking his head, he banished those morbid thoughts from his head. Usagi's light was too bright, her spirit too strong for anything to pull her down for long. Her dark and empty thoughts would pass, he thought. He frowned, wishing he could make himself believe it.  
  
  
  
Minako ignored Artemis, who was hiding under her bed and telling her this was a bad idea. "Time to move on to Plan B!" she exclaimed. "I will push those two together if it kills them!"  
  
"Don't you mean 'if it kills me?'" Artemis' voice asked from under the bed.  
  
"Whatever." Minako replied. "I'll make them happy like hell!"  
  
"Goddess have mercy on us."  
  
  
  
  
  
And that is the end of this chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed it. I tried to lighten it up a bit, while still keeping Usagi's pain in it. I have personal experience with this kind of pain, with the emptiness and the drinking and the suicidal thoughts, so if I linger a little bit it's normally because I'm caught up in my past memories. Anyway, please read and review and let me know what you think. The next chapter will be even lighter and total Minako mischief, with the help of my best friend and Minako expert Necton_Minako. No Flames please! And remember, I write based on reviews and if the reviews don't pick up then I'll discontinue this story and attempt another one with wounded pride.  
  
Ja ne! 


	4. Chapter 4

Greetings one and all. Yes I have decided to persevere and finish this story so this is chapter 4 being written with me hopped up on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and bad 80's music. I must stop reading fanfics that have 80's songs used in them because then the songs get stuck in my head (oh god I'm dating myself…) Anyway, this chapter is full of Minako lunacy and kudos go to my very best friend Necton_Minako who is my Minako expert who ever so kindly gave me ideas and pictures that I'm adding to my websites. Check out my websites eh? I have some of my fanfics posted there and I update weekly. Anyway, on to the story. Standard disclaimers apply, me no own Sailor Moon. Naoko's. Wahhh! Read and review but be kind! Remember I write based on reviews, so please do review!  
  
  
  
Usagi awoke uncertain as to where she was, until she remembered last night. She looked with disgust at the bottle she had drunk and swore off alcohol then and there. The throbbing in her head convinced her that drinking got her nowhere. Her mouth felt full of cotton and she felt nauseous. "So this is a hangover." She muttered. (A.N – I'm just guessing here, I'm one of those people who can drink like a fish and never get hungover…) Staggering up the stairs to shower, she sighed as she stepped in the stall. Closing her eyes her head dropped as she began to cry. "I want my mother." She wept. "I'm such a failure. I couldn't protect the innocent people. I couldn't protect my family, I couldn't protect that child."  
  
Usagi remembered that day so vividly. Battling a youma, unable to get the time to call for help, a mother had been unable to restrain her child from running to see her favourite heroine ran into the path of the youma. Usagi had run as fast as she could, had been beaten up pretty badly, but in the end she could not save the child or it's mother. She had watched in horror as they had been struck down in front of her, the mother's last words were the ones that stuck in her head. 'Why?' The child's eyes before she had died haunted Usagi and nearly drove her mad with grief. Shortly after that, her family had been killed and Usagi had almost lost all reason. The man she had been dating and was still dating, Hitodri was a horrid bastard. She would never admit to anyone how he treated her. She didn't love him, she could never love again. She was no longer worthy of loving anyone. To prove to herself how much she no longer cared about Mamoru, the face she saw when she closed her eyes, she had slept with Hitodri and hated herself all the more. Turning the water up even hotter, she scrubbed at her skin, trying to remove the filth that coated it, the filth that was herself. She had secrets she could never tell the senshi, secrets they would never understand. No, she had to go on alone. Stepping out of the shower, she glanced at a clock and sighed. She was meeting Hitodri in an hour.  
  
  
  
Mamoru sat in his living room listening to the radio and praying Chibi Usa would go out. He couldn't be bothered shepherding the child around everywhere today. He wanted time to himself, time to avoid Minako who he was sure had another lunatic plan. That girl was just plain scary when she set herself up on a mission and he planned to stay as far away from her as he could. "Mamo-chan!" Chibi Usa crowed from the kitchen. "What are we doing today?"  
  
Mamoru sighed. "Chibi Usa I have asked you repeatedly not to call me Mamo-chan. I am not your boyfriend so stop addressing me as such."  
  
Chibi Usa screwed up her face, preparing to wail. "You're so MEAN!!" She shrieked out. "Just like baka Usagi!"  
  
"That's your mother you are speaking of." Mamoru snapped. "Try to show a little respect."  
  
"She's not my mommy!" Chibi Usa declared. "My mommy is everything baka Usagi isn't!"  
  
Mamoru closed his eyes, unwilling to be drawn into this argument with her for the millionth time. "I have plans today Chibi Usa so you'll have to find some of your friends to hang around with."  
  
"Are you going to see the girls? 'Cause I wanna come and see them."  
  
"No I'm not going to see the girls." Mamoru replied. "Get ready, we're leaving shortly."  
  
Chibi Usa pouted, not liking this change of events but knowing better than to argue when he used that firm tone with her. "Fine." She flounced into her bedroom. (A.N – for the sake of simplicity I have Mamoru living in a 2 bedroom apartment)  
  
Mamoru leaned back on his couch and listened to the song. *"We had a once in a lifetime, but I just didn't know it 'till my life fell apart, I said we're once in a lifetime isn't too much to ask 'cause I swear from the heart…if ever you're in my arms again, this time I'll love you much better, if ever you're in my arms again this time, I'll hold you forever, this time we'll never end. The best of romances deserve second chances, I'll get to you somehow because I promise now…"*  
  
Minako giggled maniacally causing Makoto and Rei to back away from her. "Minako you're a little bit scary right now." Rei commented.  
  
"Oh come on. You all want Usagi and Mamoru back together don't you?" she demanded. "And you all want Usagi out of this depression right? I'm your best chance to achieve that."  
  
"Have mercy on us!" Rei beseeched to the Goddess.  
  
Michiru sighed. "I don't normally go in for things like this you know, but Usagi is so empty inside, she's running from everything and everyone. Has anyone actually been inside her house in the past year?"  
  
"Not since that phage and pizza incident." Rei replied. "Remember? When Seiya was staying at her house and we all wound up there. Her parents were gone for a week. We haven't been back in her house since then."  
  
"Something's not right with Kitten." Haruka declared. "Her light is fading."  
  
"Well as they say to err is human, to forgive is a stitch in time." Minako declared.  
  
Artemis closed his eyes. "You mean to err is human to forgive divine."  
  
"Right, that's another good one." Minako said brightly.  
  
"Tell me, why am I here again?" Rei groaned.  
  
"This is your house." Makoto reminded her. "If we suffer, you suffer too!"  
  
"Thanks." Rei muttered.  
  
"So what do you think of my idea?" Minako persisted.  
  
"Why not just lock them in a closet until they stop fighting?" Haruka questioned.  
  
"We'll call that Plan C!" Minako exclaimed.  
  
"If you think I'm hanging out of another tree…" Makoto muttered.  
  
Minako shook her head. "We require subtlety and a steady hand for Plan B. It is quite complex that involves much trickery and snoopery."  
  
"Snoopery?" Michiru arched an eyebrow. "That's not a word."  
  
"Whatever." Minako waved a hand. "So you all have your orders. Places everyone!"  
  
"This isn't a battle." Haruka muttered, realizing as those words escaped her mouth that it was the wrong thing to say. Minako instantly leapt up to her feet and onto the wooden platform in front of Rei's room. With a shriek she flung herself around in a circle coming to a stop after she crashed into a post.  
  
"I am Aino Minako the Goddess of Love and I will stop at nothing until I shove the immovable object and the stubborn force together!" with a flourish she gave her 'V is for victory sign.' "When I get done with them they won't know what hit them!"  
  
"Ain't that the truth." Haruka muttered to Makoto.  
  
"So without further ado let us carry out my special plan to bring them to admitting that they love each other!" Minako cackled. "I have other things up my pockets that will work!"  
  
Rei opened her mouth to correct her and then closed it. "What's the point?" she groaned. "Ok fine Minako. Now please go away! I have work to do!"  
  
"Trying to get rid of me?" Minako's screech raised to deafening levels. Haruka and Michiru began backing towards the stairs that led away from the jinja, hoping they could manage to not be seen. Makoto followed them closely abandoning Rei to her fate.  
  
  
  
Rei muttered angrily under her breath as she swept the walkway having gotten rid of Minako at last. She felt a great swell of pity for Usagi and Mamoru. Minako had chosen them as her "special project" and she wouldn't stop until someone got killed. "Talk about the road to hell." She growled.  
  
"Rei?"  
  
Rei paused, turning. "Usagi? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Do you want me to go?" Usagi asked in a small voice. "If I'm bothering you, I'll leave."  
  
"No." she shook her head. "But you don't normally come to me voluntarily."  
  
"I just wanted to talk to someone and since we don't like each other, I figure you could give an impartial opinion."  
  
Rei sighed. "Usagi I do like you."  
  
"You have a strange way of showing it. My life is hard enough without you wailing on me Rei." Usagi pointed out.  
  
"Come on, I'll make us some tea and we can talk." Rei gestured inside.  
  
"No, I don't need tea. I need absolution." Usagi said.  
  
Rei dropped her broom. "Absolution? For what?"  
  
"For being a horrid person, for being a killer, for being a whore." Usagi said wretchedly. "For being a fake."  
  
Rei's eyes widened. "What are you talking about? Usagi?"  
  
Usagi shook her head. "Sorry to have bothered you Rei." She turned to leave.  
  
"Running again?" Rei reached out for Usagi. "Please don't go. Stay and talk to me. You have to get it out at some point Usagi, you might as well talk to me."  
  
Usagi raised anguished eyes to Rei's concerned ones. "I can't talk about it Rei. I thought I could but I can't. I have to go anyway. I'm meeting Hitodri and I'm running late. Just forget what I said." Running from Rei, she didn't see her sigh.  
  
Rei paused to say a prayer. "Please Goddess, let whatever pain Usagi has inside go away. She's the brightest light in the galaxy, don't let her fade out."  
  
  
  
Mamoru sat with Motoki on a park bench. "You know that things are going badly with her and Hitodri right?" Motoki asked casually.  
  
"So I heard." He replied. "Like I care about that Odango Atama anyway."  
  
"Tell it to the tourists." Motoki snapped. "I know you too well Mamoru. You can't hide the fact that you are totally gone on her and have been for a long time. You never got over her and Tuxedo Kamen or not you had no right to do what you did. You are responsible for killing part of her soul."  
  
"What brought that on?" Mamoru blinked, taken aback at gentle Motoki talking to him like that.  
  
"I'm sick of watching you two idiots deny your feelings for each other." Motoki burst out. "This is driving me insane!"  
  
"She had no feelings for me!" Mamoru protested.  
  
"If you believe that then you are deranged." Motoki replied. "She loves you and it is obvious to everyone who looks at you two."  
  
"Is that what set Minako off?"  
  
"Bingo you moron." Motoki smacked him in the head. "So what are you going to do about it?"  
  
"Not a damn thing. She left me remember?"  
  
"After you walked out on her." Motoki retorted.  
  
"Besides, she has other problems that have nothing to do with me."  
  
"Or maybe they all began with you."  
  
"Shut up Motoki."  
  
"Truth hurts, doesn't it?"  
  
"Lay off!" Mamoru snapped.  
  
"I won't!" Motoki shook his head. "You are my best friend and she's my adopted imouto. I can't stand seeing the two people who mean the most to me hurting each other like this. I was hoping we could work this out like rational human beings."  
  
"When am I rational when it comes to dealing with Usagi?" Mamoru demanded.  
  
Motoki shook his head. 'Plan B is a bust.' He thought.  
  
  
  
Usagi ignored Hitodri's mindless chatter, preferring to dwell in the dark place her thoughts lived. She knew that look on Hitodri's face and she knew he wanted to have sex with her today. She smiled wryly. There was no greater sign that people hated themselves then by sleeping with someone they didn't give a damn about. "No." she shook her head. "I don't want to."  
  
"You always want to." He said in an angry voice. "You never say no to me."  
  
"I am now." She sighed. "I'm not in the mood Hitodri. In fact I was thinking that we could stop seeing each other."  
  
Hitodri's eyebrows shot up. "I'm not finished with you yet. You can't break up with me."  
  
"Well I am. I don't want to be in this relationship Hitodri. Please leave me alone."  
  
Hitodri grabbed her roughly. "You think that you can dump me you ungrateful little bitch? You tramp." He sneered. "No one dumps me until I'm damn good and ready for them to."  
  
Usagi was busy prying his hands off her. "Let go."  
  
"No goddamn it." He snarled. "I won't let go. You are my girlfriend and you are going to fulfill the duties of a girlfriend. If you don't want it to hurt then I suggest you do what you always do and just lay on your back unmoving like a corpse."  
  
Usagi closed her eyes, tired of hurting, tired of being used. Drawing in a breath she brought her knee up firmly into his groin and followed it swiftly with a right hook to his face. Silently thanking Luna for the constant training, she quickly ran away from him. Her inner demons fought to get free and her only thought was of how much she wanted to stop hurting. Mamoru tempted her, drew her from the dark place she lived in, but he hated her. Tears fell from her eyes as she ran. "Tell me I'm dreaming and that I'm not alone." She said aloud. "I can't stand being alone and now I am."  
  
"Usagi!" a voice called out to her. She glanced up and saw Setsuna staring at her, concern on her face.  
  
She ran faster and was quite startled when a firm grip jerked her back. She looked up into the furious eyes of Haruka. "Let me go." She fought to break Haruka's tight grip.  
  
"What is wrong Usagi? Please talk to us." Michiru pleaded. "We can't stand to see you like this. How can we help?"  
  
"Kill me." Usagi replied tonelessly.  
  
  
  
Minako made plans, calling Ami and telling her that she was part of her Plan B. She knew Motoki had failed in his part of it, but she expected it. "Well look at it this way, Plan B and C can work together." She declared to Ami who was trying to ignore her and study.  
  
"A party to get them back together is about the lamest idea that I've ever heard." Ami replied, sighing. "Shouldn't we try to figure out what is wrong with Usagi? You are the love senshi and you told Makoto that Usagi is alone and that is what she is running from. She told Rei she wanted absolution. We should be trying to figure out what has made Usagi want to die."  
  
"A party is just what she needs!" Minako shook her head. "Once she's surrounded by her friends and the man she loves, she'll snap out of it."  
  
"Do you know what an unwelcome favour is?" Ami arched an eyebrow.  
  
"Silence you!" Minako declared. "I know what is to be done for I am the Goddess of Love! You are my next project you know. Now, do you have the letters written out?"  
  
Ami winced. "Yes I wrote them out. But I think this is a silly idea. Neither one of them will fall for it."  
  
"Leave that to me." Minako reassured her. She grabbed the letters from Ami and ran to the mailbox giggling like a maniac. "They will get back together or die!"  
  
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Ami asked aloud. "And there she goes again."  
  
Minako was swept up in her plans to shove Usagi and Mamoru back together, trying to ignore the hurt that radiated from Usagi's soul and hoping it would go away, knowing deep down it was more complex than that. "Hang on Usagi." She whispered. "I'll make you smile again."  
  
  
  
And that is the end of this chapter. The lyrics from the song on the radio are Peabo Bryson's "If ever you're in my arms again." I hope you all enjoyed it. Please read and review and be kind. No Flames please. Usagi's dark place is actually a manifestation of one of my own and there are places where I've added my own personal experiences in here. Anyway, next chapter has even more Minako lunacy this time with Motoki as a willing cohort. Will Juuban still be standing at the end of it? Read on to find out!  
  
Mata ne 


	5. Chapter 5

Hello all! Sorry I never got a chance to write yesterday but today's chapter will be longer to make up for it. Standard disclaimers apply. Not much to say here today. Read and review but be kind. No Flames.  
  
  
  
Haruka, Michiru and Setsuna stared in slack-jawed shock at Usagi after she had said those two words. "Kill me." She repeated softly. "I'm standing at the edge of the earth. I can't go on anymore. If you are my friends, if you ever had any feeling in your hearts for me, then you will kill me."  
  
Michiru put her hand on Usagi's shoulder. "Come with us. Tell us what happened."  
  
Setsuna shook her head. How could she, the one who knew everything have missed this? How could Queen Serenity have missed this horror that Usagi was going through? Had it just been that they didn't want to see the bad, only the good? Usagi was a master at hiding her true feelings and it was never more obvious at just how well her deception had worked than it was right now. "I'll be back in a while. I have somewhere to go." She told Haruka and Michiru. "Don't leave her alone and for kami's sake keep her away from anything sharp."  
  
Usagi smiled mirthlessly. "I've tried slitting my wrists, but I can never bring myself to make the last stroke, the one that will count." She held out her wrists that were covered in scars. "As you can see I chicken out."  
  
Haruka was shaking in rage and it was only Michiru standing between her and Usagi that held her rage in check. "How could you?" she asked in a hurt whisper.  
  
"Take her to the house." Setsuna ordered. "I'll join you shortly." Without another word she transformed and leapt through her gate. Taking her time key, she opened one of her many doors and turned back time to try to pinpoint when Usagi's withdrawal and pain had begun. Queen Serenity joined her soon after she found the incident and together they watched. The death of the innocents, the death of her family, the loss of her blood innocence when she had killed an innocent person because to let them live would have been to condemn them to life as a youma. They watched, as Usagi was unable to fight off a simple male attacker one night and watched as she was beaten within an inch of her life. Usagi had wound up losing it all. She had nothing left to live for, except for Mamoru. He was her lifeline, the one who gave her hope, the one who brought light into the darkness that shrouded her soul. "We have to get them together. She offsets his natural darkness and he holds her bleakness at bay." She told the Queen.  
  
Queen Serenity nodded. "I wondered why she went with that Hitodri creature and now I know. There was no love, it was just her trying to feel alive, to feel something other than pain. I understand it all now."  
  
Setsuna closed her eyes. "What kind of protectors are we if we let her get hurt like that? How could we never know of the death of the innocents, deaths that she couldn't have prevented? There was no way she could have saved them; time decreed that it was their time to die. The one she killed she had no choice because to let him live would have been to condemn him to life as a youma. She had no choice. Any of us would have done the same."  
  
Queen Serenity shook her head. "My daughter has always hated fighting and killing, in this lifetime and her past. She has never believed in violence or in killing and now she is forced to. I understand her hurt."  
  
"How do we help her? How do we get rid of this pain?" Setsuna beseeched the Queen. "Help me help your daughter."  
  
Queen Serenity sighed. "Her greatest temptation, her other half, he is the only one who can help her now."  
  
Setsuna nodded. "Minako is trying to get them together."  
  
"Then help Minako. Her intentions are good even if her approach is painfully misguided and wrong." Queen Serenity sighed. "If that doesn't work, I will consider using the ginzuishou to seal the more painful memories from her. Help my daughter Setsuna."  
  
Setsuna bowed. "I will do my best your Majesty." Opening her portal, she re-entered the normal world in a living room where Usagi was being treated as a prisoner of war.  
  
  
  
'Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir? Je vieux plus.' Mamoru blinked as he read the letter written in an unfamiliar hand. He knew that Minako had obviously had this written hoping he would think it was from Usagi. "A good try Minako." He murmured. He wished those words had've come from Usagi. He saw the hurt in her and he felt sympathy, knowing the emptiness that she carried with her. He realized Motoki was right, he had been the catalyst that had caused her hurt. He might be the full cause of it, but he was responsible for a major part of it. If nothing else, it started with him, and it had begun when Chibi Usa had appeared all those years ago.  
  
"What are you doing?" Motoki questioned. "What is that?" he leaned over his shoulder and his eyes widened. "That's a horrid attempt."  
  
"Ok Motoki, I know Minako has brought you in on some plan to try and push Usagi and I together, let me tell you that I want no part of it. It took me forever to get free of her years ago and I want nothing to do with her. I can't think of anything more horrifying than being trapped in a relationship with that child again."  
  
Motoki's eyes widened. "Gee if you try harder you might be able to convince me of your sincerity here."  
  
Mamoru scoffed. "Believe me or don't, all I can do is tell you the truth, but you are persistent in thinking that I am hiding some feelings for her. Trust me when I say that I am not."  
  
Motoki shook his head. "Even if I were inclined to believe that load of crap that you are spouting, I stole your journal from your apartment. Stupid thing for you to do, leaving your thoughts lying around where I can read them."  
  
Mamoru's eyes widened. "You are a dead man."  
  
Motoki grinned. "So you can stop with the whole 'I hate Odango Atama' thing because I know the truth."  
  
Mamoru decided to bluff. "I left it there knowing you'd take it. It's filled with lies. I wrote what I knew you wanted to read. You think I'd leave anything important lying around when I live with that little flamingo haired brat?"  
  
"That's some way to talk about your future child." Motoki commented.  
  
"I pray that in the future she's not such a brat and maybe I'd like her a little more if she hadn't fallen on Usagi's head and ruined both our lives and since that day has continued to act like she has every right to do so." Mamoru scoffed. "I'm sure if I was there from her birth she might grow on me a bit more, but as it stands now she has no feelings from me. She's someone I'm taking care of because Usagi threw her out of the house, and rightly so. If I thought she had somewhere else to go, I'd send her there, better yet I'd like her to go back to the future."  
  
Motoki shook his head. "In any case, you may dislike the child, but you love the mother."  
  
"You back on that?" Mamoru arched an eyebrow. "Lay off Motoki. Best friend or not, you're crossing the line and I don't want to talk about this with you."  
  
"So you'd rather talk about it with the girls right?"  
  
"I didn't say that." Mamoru retorted.  
  
"If you don't talk about it with me then the girls will force you." Motoki pointed out. "And they won't be quite so kind."  
  
"And you're so generous." Mamoru said sullenly. "I won't say it!"  
  
"Kami you are stubborn." Motoki sighed. "So the fake letter is a bust. Ami and I figured it would be. So are you going to Minako's party? She's invited Yuuichirou too, and her current crush Asai (A.N – For those who don't know who that is, he's the volleyball player from episode 100 of the S series who always admired Minako from afar.) He and his girlfriend broke up and she's going to try and sink her claws into him."  
  
"That sounds so romantic." Mamoru drawled. "Yes I'll go. Is anyone else our age going?"  
  
"I'll find out, but mostly it'll be us and Yuuichirou and Asai making up the male population of this party, unless Makoto has another sempai that she wants to bring." Motoki replied.  
  
Mamoru shook his head. "I'm admitting to nothing."  
  
"Your denial says more than words ever could." Motoki pointed out with an evil grin. Mamoru sighed in frustration and walked away from Motoki, going to gather his thoughts. Motoki walked over to payphone and dialled a number. "Things are going as planned Minako. Time to move on to Stage 2."  
  
  
  
Minako let out a whoop as she hung up the phone. "I am a genius."  
  
"That's news to me." Rei whispered to Makoto who stifled a laugh. Ami lifted her book higher, hoping Minako would forget that she was there. Sadly, Minako remembered that she was there and threw her text across the room.  
  
"We have matchmaking to do! We can't have you studying!" she declared.  
  
Rei picked up the book. "Dealing with depression?"  
  
Ami nodded. "I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with Usagi."  
  
"Good luck." Makoto sighed. "I feel so blind and stupid. Why didn't we realize how much she was suffering?"  
  
"We saw what we wanted to see." Rei replied. "Usagi is apparently a master at hiding her true feelings. I feel like a wretch for all the times I yelled at her when I didn't have to."  
  
Minako shook her head. "Can anyone think of any other men to bring to my party?"  
  
Ami blushed. "Well I happen to know that Ryo is in town." (A.N – Greg in English episodes)  
  
"Oh Ami," Minako clapped her hands together. "I've already promised that you are my next project."  
  
Ami shook her head. "That's ok Minako."  
  
"No I insist!" Minako persisted.  
  
"Minako, maybe we should let them work this out themselves." Rei said in a quiet voice.  
  
"NEVER!" Minako shrieked. "They've had almost three years to try to work this out and they are no further ahead than they were. It's time for drastic action. We must put on our happy hats."  
  
"You mean thinking caps." Ami corrected.  
  
"Those too." Minako amended. "The party is tomorrow night, thank goodness my parents are in England for the next few weeks."  
  
"This has disaster spelled all over it."  
  
"I have a cohort in crime." Minako revealed.  
  
"Partner in crime." Ami sighed.  
  
"I said that." Minako grinned. "Motoki and I have things well in hand."  
  
"Is it too late to flee town?" Makoto stage-whispered to Rei.  
  
"Unfortunately it was too late after Minako came to town." Rei replied, grimacing.  
  
  
  
Setsuna sat on the couch across from Usagi. "I opened up my time gates Usagi and I have seen all that has happened."  
  
"Then you understand that I can't talk about it."  
  
"Usagi," Setsuna said gently. "You had no choice in what you did. Your choices were the right ones."  
  
"I killed an innocent man." Usagi said wretchedly.  
  
"If you had let him live he would have been a youma forever." Setsuna replied. "You saved his soul." She paused. "And the mother and child, you also had no choice there. You were beaten and bloodied. The mother could not control her child. The fault is not yours."  
  
"I still see their eyes when I'm alone." Usagi whispered, feeling the tears start to choke her. "I hear them."  
  
Haruka's eyes widened in understand. "Kitten, you've done nothing wrong."  
  
"I got my family killed!" Usagi screamed. "Siren killed them as if they were nothing! She killed them because of me, of who I am! I've done everything wrong!" Usagi stood up, staring at her hands. "I can never hurt myself enough!"  
  
Haruka pulled Usagi close to her in a firm hug. "Let it out Usagi. Stop bottling it up inside. We won't tell the Inners if that's what you want, but you have to let us in. You're safe with us. I have had enough of this foolishness with you. Let it out so you can start to heal."  
  
Usagi fought Haruka's grip trying to push her away. Tired of hurting, tired of false pretences she wound up pulling Haruka closer to her and bursting into tears, crying in a way she hadn't allowed herself in years. For the first time since Mamoru left her, she let herself accept sympathy and leaned on someone else. Haruka's tough hands turned incredibly gentle as she soothed the pain out of Usagi.  
  
  
  
Setsuna and Michiru exchanged a glance, tiptoeing quietly from the room where Usagi had cried herself into an exhausted sleep. Haruka was in the kitchen tossing back a shot of something. "I bow at her strength." She said pouring herself another.  
  
Michiru sat down, her head sinking into her hands. "I never would have guessed at what she's gone through."  
  
"Queen Serenity told me that whatever we do it's only a stop-gap." Setsuna sighed. "There is only one person, her greatest temptation who can make her whole again, and all they do is fight like rabid animals over the last piece of meat."  
  
"Agreed. Should we join in Minako's insane plan?" Michiru questioned.  
  
Haruka glanced up from her drink. "I'll do anything if it means turning Usagi back to her old self. Besides, all she and Mamoru do is exchange glances across the room when they think no one is looking. The heat and passion in those glances should set the arcade on fire." She tossed back another shot. "She has described Mamoru as the most insufferable, pompous, ignorant, self-absorbed, scoundrel of a bastard who drives her absolutely nuts, chose a dream over her and can't stand her."  
  
"And she thinks we actually believe her?" Michiru's eyes widened.  
  
"She does." Haruka nodded. "Of course I agree with her. He's a pompous ass but she's chosen to love him despite the fact that he is screwed in the head and emotionally unavailable."  
  
Setsuna let out a sigh. "Well tomorrow is Minako's party. I advocate locking them into a closet – after we've removed all things that could be used as a weapon and forcing them to talk it out."  
  
"Won't work." Haruka shook her head. "He's the stubborn force and she's the immovable object. Their pride is too strong and neither one of them will cave."  
  
"This is ridiculous." Michiru snorted.  
  
"Isn't it?" Setsuna arched an eyebrow.  
  
  
  
"I'm not going Motoki, forget it!" Mamoru protested the next evening. "No way!"  
  
"Give me a good reason why not." Motoki challenged.  
  
"Odango Atama will be there." He snapped. "I don't want to see her any more than I have to! It's bad enough she trips all over me constantly and insults me."  
  
"She gives as good as she gets." Motoki confirmed.  
  
"What the hell are you trying to say?"  
  
"You insult her pretty damn good Mamoru. She gives it back to you both barrels, and your eyes might as well be brown for the load of shit you're telling me right now."  
  
"Watch your language!" Mamoru snapped. "I do have that little fungus living here."  
  
"FUNGUS?" Chibi Usa's loud voice invaded the silence of the room.  
  
Mamoru turned to see Chibi Usa looking very upset and angry. "Yes fungus." He snapped. "Why are you eavesdropping on me?"  
  
"I was trying to see if you were changing." Chibi Usa replied blithely.  
  
"That's sick." Motoki curled his lip.  
  
"Isn't it?" Mamoru sighed. "Ok Motoki, I'll go if for no other reason than to get away from her."  
  
Chibi Usa's lips quivered. "You don't want me Mamo-chan?"  
  
"Not anymore you spoiled and ungrateful and selfish brat." He snapped. "Why don't you just go back home where your parents are?"  
  
"You are my daddy." She replied.  
  
"And Usagi is your mommy."  
  
"Usagi is not my mommy!" Chibi Usa screeched. "My mommy is nothing like Usagi!"  
  
"Go away Chibi Usa. The babysitter will be here soon." Motoki sighed. "I took the liberty of arranging one for you."  
  
"You just had this all worked out didn't you?"  
  
"How'd you guess?"  
  
  
  
Minako rubbed her hands together and giggled. "This is going to be the best night of their lives! Leave everything in my capable hands and I will shove them together."  
  
"Minako do we have to be here?" Ami asked.  
  
"Just relax Ami and I'll arrange a private meeting for you and Ryo."  
  
"That's not necessary." Ami said hastily. "There's no stopping you."  
  
"Now you are starting to understand." Minako confirmed. Her face grew serious for a moment. "Trust me, Mamoru won't let Usagi run like we will. He's her other half and we have to get those two mule-headed morons to realize it. She never stopped loving him, but never forgave him for believing in a dream over her. He never stopped loving her, but never forgave her for trying to move on with her life. This will work."  
  
Makoto arched an eyebrow. "Minako said something that made sense."  
  
Rei shivered. "And hell just froze over."  
  
  
  
Haruka shoved Usagi inside Minako's front door and promptly took up a guard position, making sure that she couldn't get out. Michiru grabbed her hand and drug her into the living room where things were going quite well. Usagi froze as she made eye contact with Mamoru. 'Temptation.' The word quivered unspoken between them. Desire lanced between them and the glance they shared should have set the room aflame. Michiru began dragging Usagi towards Mamoru, who was being held in place by Motoki. "Odango." He said coolly.  
  
"Bastard." She retorted.  
  
Motoki and Minako sighed, rolling their eyes. It was going to be a long night.  
  
  
  
And so endeth this chapter. Please remember that I write based on reviews! No flames and suggestions are always welcomed. Check out my websites ne?  
  
See you in the funny papers! 


	6. Chapter 6

Hello all! And here is the next chapter that people have been waiting for, which I would have put up earlier today but I was updating my webpages. Check them out eh? So, with the death threats of my best friend Necton_Minako lingering in my head, as I quiver in fear at her baleful stare, I write another chapter. Enjoy! Standard disclaimers…blah blah blah. Read and Review but be kind!  
  
  
  
Minako and Motoki were having a hushed argument in the corner of her living room. "I say we lock them in a closet." Minako insisted.  
  
Motoki shook his head. "That's just stupid Minako. There's no point. If they are going to fight anyway we might as well give them room so she can strangle the breath out of him. Give him a fighting chance."  
  
Minako sighed as Mamoru's and Usagi's voices drowned out the music. "That's it! We have to take drastic measures."  
  
"And forcing them in a house together when they clearly hate each other isn't?" Motoki arched an eyebrow.  
  
"They don't hate each other and you know it well." Minako snapped, her cheerfulness fading for a moment. "Perhaps a game of truth or dare would get them talking."  
  
"They'd choose dare and end up killing each other." Motoki pointed out. "They're never going to admit anything in front of us Minako and you know it."  
  
"I am the incarnation of the Goddess of Love and I have decreed that they will get together one way or another!" Minako puffed her chest up. "You are my second part of this plan."  
  
"You mean your other half?" Motoki winced. "You need to work on your metaphors Minako. I can't take any more of you mangling them."  
  
"How could you insult me like that?" Minako screeched drawing attention away from Mamoru and Usagi. While her voice raised, she nodded at Makoto who pulled herself away from Asai who was supposed to be Minako's date and herded Usagi and Mamoru to the door that led to the basement. She chuckled at her ingenuity.  
  
"Ok Minako, we have them sequestered in your basement." Makoto sighed. "Turn down the decibels would you?"  
  
"OH HOW COULD YOU?" Minako shrieked. "All people do is tell me to shut up! I'm insulted!"  
  
"And we're going deaf." Rei muttered to Haruka.  
  
Haruka arched an eyebrow at her. "What, sorry I didn't hear you." She smirked. "Minako is making too much noise."  
  
"For god sakes don't let her hear you say that." Michiru said passing by. "Or it'll set her off again."  
  
Haruka laughed and shut up while Minako finally ran out of steam and was silent as Rei walked up to her and shoved a cookie in her mouth. Setsuna began the applause. As people laughed and things went fairly back to normal, Setsuna walked into the kitchen, feeling horrible pangs of guilt over her current predicament. She knew everything about everyone, and yet somehow she had missed or ignored Usagi. She felt wretched about all that Usagi had gone through and she knew that it all could have been avoided if she had been paying attention and doing her job instead of taking some time off. She was the Guardian of the Gates of Time and she was supposed to be ever vigilant, but she had slipped in her duties. She closed her eyes and prayed that Usagi and Mamoru could now work things out.  
  
  
  
"I'm gonna kill her." Usagi seethed. "I'm going to rip out her hair, I'm going to eat her eyeballs…" she ranted.  
  
"Would you shut up and give me a hand here?" Mamoru snapped. "I think I might be able to get the window pried open."  
  
"And how do you plan on getting out Mamoru? You're too big." Usagi retorted. "I figured they'd stuff us in a closet not put us in an airless basement where if the house catches fire I have to spend the last moments of my life with you because we can't get out! The window's won't open and they're too small!" she stamped her foot. "Damn it! Why did they bring me here?"  
  
"Obviously they thought we should reach a reckoning." Mamoru said acidly.  
  
"Bugger off." She turned her back on him. She didn't want to be surrounded by her friends and having fun. She wanted to be alone in a dark room thinking on her failures. She had to try harder to understand why she was such a horrid screw up, why everything she did ended in death and failure. She had to think of some way to die, to send herself into peaceful oblivion. Most of all she had to get away from him. He didn't see how her breathing had sped up, how erratic her heartbeat was due to being so close to him. She hadn't been this close to him in years and it was intoxicating. Instead of brooding on her dark thoughts, her only desire was to grab his head and kiss the daylights out of him. He tempted the boundaries of her control. She loved him but could never forgive him, not for believing in a dream but for another reason altogether.  
  
"Such language from such an innocent." He taunted. Then he snapped his fingers. "But wait! Hitodri made certain that you were no innocent, didn't he?"  
  
Usagi closed her eyes, ashamed at what she had done. How could she confess that every time Hitodri had taken her in his arms she had seen his face, pretended that Hitodri was Mamoru. She had never gotten any pleasure from the act, it was painful and boring. "Well the man I would have given my innocence to didn't want me."  
  
"No, he prefers a real woman, not a child."  
  
"And I wanted a man, not a boy who thinks he can." Usagi retorted, ignoring the widening of his eyes and the smile that tugged at his face.  
  
"Now that's hitting me where I live." He grinned.  
  
Usagi paused, fully expecting a rejoinder. "Well you deserved it." She said, smiling in return.  
  
"How about we call a truce until we get out of here and systematically commit a multiple homicide?" Mamoru suggested praying she'd agree.  
  
"Fine." Usagi huffed. "But I know you only want a truce because you can't take my comments, since I'm winning and you only want out of here because you can't stand to be around me."  
  
"True enough, about the not wanting to be around you anyway." Mamoru commented, prowling through the basement trying to find another window that would open wider. He'd find some way to fit through!  
  
"Why would you be any different?" Usagi muttered, not noticing how his head snapped around.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.  
  
"Not a damn thing Mamoru." She sighed. "Don't read too much into idle comments."  
  
"You've changed so much Usagi that I know you don't make idle comments. You meant something behind that, and I want to know what."  
  
"It's none of your business." Usagi said in a pain filled voice.  
  
Mamoru closed his eyes, doing something he hadn't done since Chibi Usa had appeared. He reached inside his soul to the long-broken bond that used to run between them and touched it. He reached out to Usagi, knowing that when her defences were down he would be able to touch her essence and for a moment it would be like when they were in love. Reaching out to the one person he couldn't let himself love, his greatest temptation, for one moment he knew everything about her, he knew her deepest emotions, felt her darkest thoughts. In shock he drew back and stared at her, realizing she had willingly let him in. In a wave of understanding he was unable to speak. In silence they stared at each other through the fading yellow light in the basement.  
  
  
  
"I think they're dead." Rei commented. "I haven't heard them yelling in a few minutes."  
  
"One of them is dead to be certain." Makoto agreed. "Though I loved that comment Usagi gave about a man not a boy."  
  
Minako smiled enigmatically. "They are both very much alive." Love's guardian said. "And they have just made contact."  
  
Setsuna walked over to her. "You are certain?"  
  
"You can go to your gates and check if you want to," Minako sighed. "But I know the feeling of a bond being re-established. For just a moment he reached out to her, and in a moment of weakness she let him in. He knows the pain she's been hiding from us. I am a genius."  
  
Motoki smiled at her. "I never should have doubted you. It appears however, love's guardian that your date has left you for Makoto."  
  
Minako grinned. "That's ok. I knew they'd hit if off."  
  
"But what about you?"  
  
Minako winked at Motoki. "Well you're still here aren't you?"  
  
Motoki backed away from her, his eyes widened in fear. "Oh no."  
  
"You could be…"  
  
Motoki ran for the door as Minako let out a high pitched laugh. "The hunt is on. Motoooooookkkkkkiiiiiiiii!" she called out. "Here I come ready or not!"  
  
  
  
"You want to die?" Mamoru roared incredulously.  
  
"Say it a little louder, I don't think they heard you in Australia yet." Usagi snarled.  
  
"Why?" was the only work he could manage to get out.  
  
Usagi shook her head. "You just invaded my innermost thoughts and my soul. You tell me."  
  
Mamoru paused to process all the information that had rammed into him with all the force of a freight train. "Those people you couldn't save, the man you had to kill." He said slowly. "The death of your family because of you."  
  
"Not quite." Usagi said, pain and anger in her eyes. "Yes I feel immense guilt and hatred at myself over being such a fat and lazy Odango Atama that I failed the people I'm meant to protect, but that's not why I want to die."  
  
"Self loathing." Mamoru murmured, closing his eyes and sifting through the emotions. "The man who beat you, the one who hurt you. The one…" he trailed off, his eyes widening with realization. "The one I refused to rescue you from."  
  
Usagi nodded wrapping her arms around herself. "And what else?"  
  
Mamoru's mind was reeling from the shock he had just gotten. Delving once more into the sensory overload she had shot at him, he came paused once more. "Letting Hitodri touch you. The guilt over letting yourself be used."  
  
"One more point." Usagi chuckled painfully. "You're so close Mamoru. You want it all out in the open, well here it is. If you don't like what you're realizing about me then maybe you shouldn't have forced yourself in where you're not wanted."  
  
Mamoru couldn't move. "You want to die because you still love me." He breathed. "You want death because of me."  
  
"Give the man a prize!" Usagi said, making eye contact. "Now you know it all."  
  
Mamoru stepped towards her, his desire, his temptation, his angel. "Usako…"  
  
"Don't say that name to me!" she snapped. "Don't you DARE say that name to me. You lost all right to call me that when you left me. So know you know the truth. I got on with my life but I never, NEVER stopped loving you for a moment. Every time Hitodri took me in his arms I saw your face, every date I went on I heard your voice. When I slept at night I could almost smell you. And yet I hate you more than anyone on this world."  
  
"Because I wouldn't help you."  
  
"Because you abandoned me to my fate." Usagi nodded. "I have never depended on you to help out in a fight, never counted on you to rescue me, never compelled you with the bond, until that night. I was attacked by a simple man, a man who beat me almost to death, and all I did was call for you, I reached out through our bond convinced that though we were broken up you would come and help me. You never came Mamoru!" she screamed. "I lay in an ally bleeding for hours until a jogger paused for a drink of water and saw me half dead!"  
  
"I thought you needed to learn how to fight on your own. I was distancing myself from you, but I never thought…"  
  
"Evidently you didn't!" she yelled. "And even at the brink of death all I could do was say your name! I was in the hospital for three weeks having suffered massive internal injuries. My second day home, I had to get out of my sickbed to fight a youma and when you decided to appear you yelled at me and called me lazy saying I had to shape up!"  
  
"I'm sorry." Mamoru dropped his eyes. "I didn't know."  
  
"I never wanted you to find out." Usagi said bitterly. "I try so hard not to blame how I feel now on you, it all started with you, originated with you when you left me over a stupid dream. You didn't want me to be hurt or killed not realizing that without you I was already dead. Since you walked out all I've done is live a half life of nothingness. I would have given a few years with you risking my own death rather than having to live an eternity without you."  
  
"Usagi…"  
  
"You wanted to know Mamoru, if you don't like then feel free to leave. In fact you are encouraged." Her eyes flashed at him. "You always talked about your pain, your aloneness, not having any family or memories of your early childhood, always being left out when you were in the orphanage. You never thought I carried pain inside, never bothered to ask. I gave you my heart and you threw it away. I've suffered more than you ever will and yet I never lost that ray of light inside me that lights up the galaxy, until now. The darkness is overcoming me and I am finally yielding to it. I want the oblivion that comes with death. After all I've been through I deserve death. So now you know everything."  
  
Mamoru could not speak, Usagi's words burning through his mind. "It's not too late to open your heart and try again."  
  
"Isn't it?" she looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I swore I'd never let you see me cry again Mamoru. I used to think tomorrow was just another day and night was just another lonely night. I never thought you'd find me here."  
  
Frozen to the spot, emotion trembling between them, silence fell in the basement as Usagi drew away from him and curled herself into a small ball in a corner as far from him as she could get. It didn't matter, Mamoru thought. She was already farther away from him than the distance of a room. Her pain was tangible and he didn't know how he would ever make amends for what he had done.  
  
  
  
Minako and Motoki were huddled around a half open basement window, tears falling from Minako's eyes as she buried her face in Motoki's shirt, having caught him at last. One minute they had been mischievously kissing, planning their next fix up, convinced that Usagi and Mamoru had made up, only to hear the shouts begin again. Listening closely they heard everything and knew that Usagi and Mamoru were no closer to reconciliation and Usagi's pain was more than she could bear. Love's Guardian swore that she would fix this mess, promising it to her Goddess. "Tomorrow is another chance to try again." She whispered, trying to bring happiness into her voice.  
  
  
  
Setsuna shook her head sadly, upset at this turn of events. "How will we ever repair this?" she asked the Queen.  
  
Queen Serenity sighed. "We have done all we can. He knows of her hurt and now everything is up to him. He's the only one who can help her now."  
  
"Then she's as good as gone." Setsuna said angrily.  
  
"Have faith." Queen Serenity urged her.  
  
  
  
Mamoru walked over to Usagi, reaching for her. She whimpered and drew herself tighter into a ball, cringing from him. "Go away." Usagi said in a sad voice. "You've done enough."  
  
"I want…" Mamoru began.  
  
"What you want doesn't really matter anymore, and even if it did, I don't care. I wanted you to help me all those years ago, I wanted you to love me. You couldn't even give me five minutes of your time Mamoru, so why should I give you time now? You reap what you sow."  
  
"I was wrong." He said softly. "Horribly and terribly wrong."  
  
"It's in the past," Usagi said, her face still turned from his. "I am no longer the girl you knew, no longer the person you loved."  
  
"I've always loved you." Mamoru breathed.  
  
"And those words come too late." Usagi drew in a shuddery breath.  
  
"Running again?" he asked softly, seeing her stiffen.  
  
"You ran from me, remember?"  
  
Mamoru sighed and gave her some space, wanting to think. How could he ever fix this?  
  
  
  
And that is the end of this chapter! Please let me know what you think! Remember I write based on reviews which keep the therapist away! No Flames please! In the next chapter, if anyone is interested more Minako madness and this time she's going at it with a vengeance. Will the city ever be the same again?  
  
  
  
Catch you on the flip side! 


	7. Chapter 7

Hello all! Sorry for the delay in getting this out but I've been preoccupied all day trying to program my laptop for when I go to Japan and can still keep writing! So here it is, a little later than I wanted but out nonetheless for your reading pleasure. Remember I write based on reviews so keep them coming in! Reviews and email keep the rubber room far from me. Standard disclaimers…..SM not mine. Naoko's. Don't bother to sue me, I'm a half broke brand new teacher. I have no money, the government does. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Mamoru was unable to speak in the wake of Usagi's revelations. She wouldn't look at him, wouldn't talk to him, just suffered in silence being near him. His heart wrenched, as he knew the truth at last. "Would someone let us out of here?" he roared at the door. "This isn't funny anymore!" There was silence as there had been since he'd been yelling up the stairs. "Usagi's been hurt!" he yelled, trying another tactic.  
  
The door was jerked open and Haruka, Rei and Makoto stampeded down the stairs at the same time, resulting in a tangled mass of girls on the floor. Haruka was the first on her feet. "Where is she?"  
  
Mamoru pointed to the corner where Usagi was practically catatonic. Rei shoved Haruka aside and pulled the person she loved to hate close to her. "What did you do?" she demanded.  
  
He shook his head. "She told me everything." He said simply. "Including the things that you don't know."  
  
Rei closed her eyes and sighed. "The things the others don't know. I used the sacred fire and invaded her senses to find out why she had gone crazy. Now we both know."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked harshly.  
  
Haruka glared at him, rage burning in her eyes. "Your feelings don't really matter here." She said in a furious voice. "You aren't allowed to have hurt feelings right now."  
  
Makoto brushed some stray tendrils of hair from Usagi's face. "Usagi, come on girl, snap out of it."  
  
Usagi blinked at Makoto. "Get me out of here." She said in a low voice.  
  
Haruka didn't ask any other questions, just lifted Usagi in her arms and began climbing the stairs. Mamoru backed away from Rei and Makoto, not trusting the gleam in their eyes. Rei's hands seemed to be glowing with suppressed fire and Makoto was crackling with energy. "I shouldn't have forced my way in her head." He said lamely.  
  
"You think?" Makoto sneered. Rei positioned herself between Mamoru and Makoto.  
  
"Violence won't help Usagi now." She cautioned Makoto.  
  
"It'll make me feel a lot better." Makoto roared.  
  
Minako poked her head down the stairs. "Rei, Makoto, come up here." She ordered. Rei and Makoto nodded, passing Motoki who was on his way down.  
  
Motoki shook his head, sighing. "So now you know the truth Mamoru. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"  
  
Mamoru laughed shortly. "Her problems aren't real problems, they're frivolous things really."  
  
Motoki's eyes widened in indignation. "The girl who's saved the world, and YOU countless times has frivolous problems? The girl who watched innocent people suffer and die? The girl who watched her family die? The girl who you wouldn't help?"  
  
"Nothing of consequence." Mamoru shrugged.  
  
Motoki's hands reached for Mamoru's throat which he just barely managed to pull back at the last moment. "How are you going to fix this? You betrayed her trust, you left her to be hurt."  
  
"How can I fix this?" Mamoru asked his best friend. "What amends can I make? Even if I cared about her…"  
  
"Stop right there." Motoki held up his hand. "I'm sick and tired of you acting and pretending like you hate her and don't care about her suffering. If you truly feel that way, which I don't believe for a second, then tell me now, but if you still love her then spit it out because I won't stand for you insulting her anymore."  
  
Mamoru turned his head and closed his eyes. "I can't Motoki."  
  
"What are you trying to prove?" Motoki roared. "You can't do it all by yourself. She's been running for so long that she doesn't know what else to do. You are the only one who can help, the only one who can share her darkness with her and bring her back to the light."  
  
Mamoru looked at Usagi, despair in his eyes. "Help me Motoki. Help me get her to trust me again."  
  
"You'll have to start at the beginning with her, use kid gloves." Motoki began.  
  
"You're right of course," Mamoru sighed. "I can't keep pretending I don't love her."  
  
"Finally you start to see reason."  
  
  
  
Usagi wasn't aware of being brought to her lonely house or of being tucked in her bed. She wasn't aware of Haruka refusing to leave her side, or of the other senshi moving into the rest of her home. She was in her own world where she was reliving that horrid night when she had been attacked. Tired and defeated from a battle with the youma, she had been careless and stupid, stopping to mourn the loss of life. A grimy hand had reached out and thrown her headfirst into a brick wall making sure she was disoriented. Writhing on her bed as she relived every touch, every punch that had been thrown she began screaming. In the agonizing place her mind had taken her to, all she saw was herself screaming Mamoru's name, frantically touching and tugging on the bond, crying for him, yearning for him, unable to say any other word. When the degenerate had finally left and she was bleeding on the ground, beaten nearly to death, bones broken, blood flowing copiously from multiple wounds, she lay there and whispered his name. "MAMORU!" she screamed as she sat bolt upright in her bed. "Make it stop!"  
  
Haruka's arms were around her in a flash, holding her tightly, soothing her. "You're safe Usagi." She whispered. "I'll never let anyone ever hurt you again."  
  
Usagi pulled Haruka close and let herself be soothed. She hadn't been held like this in years, not since her mother had died. "A small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul…" she trailed off.  
  
"What is it saying?" Haruka asked softly.  
  
"I will always love him." She said, her eyes closed.  
  
Murderous rage flashed through Haruka's eyes. Michiru entered the room with a damp cloth and some water. "Here Usagi, drink this. Let me help make you more comfortable."  
  
Usagi drank the water while Michiru fluffed her pillows and wiped at her sweat soaked brow. "Thank you Michiru."  
  
"Now sleep." Michiru soothed. "And let not the dreams bother you."  
  
Usagi lay back down and sighed as she drifted into the peaceful oblivion of nothingness.  
  
  
  
Minako paced the living room, wondering how they could have not known that her family was dead. The house was so empty, Usagi having pawned off much of it to get food for herself. "I need a Plan D." she said aloud. Nodding to herself she grinned. "Yes, that's precisely what I need. Can't let this stop me or set me back." She chuckled. "When the going gets tough, the tough know who to call!"  
  
"Someone stop her." Rei moaned.  
  
"I cannot be stopped!" Minako exclaimed. "I am on a mission and no one can stand in my way!"  
  
"Minako, maybe we should lay off for a few days. Just being trapped with Mamoru caused Usagi to relapse." Ami pointed out, glancing up from a book on posttraumatic stress syndrome.  
  
"You're not going to psychoanalyze her to death are you?" Rei asked Ami.  
  
Ami closed the book and sighed. "I'm just trying to understand what is inside her. She's gone so far beyond our comprehension now Rei. I love her so much, she was my first friend you know." Rei nodded in understand and gestured to Ami to continue. "I can't bear to know that she's hidden these horrors for so long. So I study and I research because if I don't do something, I'd hunt down Mamoru, hang him up by his heels and start peeling his skin off in strips before I stopped being pleasant. How could he ignore her when she needed him most?"  
  
Rei nodded in sympathy. "What do you say in a moment like this, when you can't find the words to tell it like it is?" she asked aloud.  
  
"You close your eyes and let your heart lead the way." Minako answered. She smiled. "She never relapsed Ami because she never let herself feel from the beginning." She paused. "Which is strange because her heart is so big and she feels everything." She snapped her fingers. "I have a great idea. She's known all about Mamoru and his feelings for years, but he never knew hers. He blew them off as unimportant because their relationship was all about him. Now things have changed like Usagi. He's realizing that her problems are just as important as his." She paused. "I have an idea." Her eyes lit up.  
  
"Oh no!" Rei began shaking her head. "Please Minako! Don't do whatever it is that you want to do!" she pleaded.  
  
"I do not know the meaning of the word stop!" Minako exclaimed, her seriousness moment having passed. "When two hearts soully surrender and are sworn to understand, it completes a perfect union between a woman and a man. The question Usagi has for Mamoru is 'Can I trust you with my heart?'"  
  
"Evidently not." Rei said acidly.  
  
"Not true! He's suffered ever since they broke up."  
  
"Well he hasn't suffered enough."  
  
Minako and Rei looked in shock at gentle Ami who had said those words, her eyes blazing. "Ami!" Minako giggled. "I'm so proud of you."  
  
"What is your plan Minako?" Ami questioned. "I'm in this time and I'll stay in until Usagi's pain goes away."  
  
"That's my girl!" Minako shrieked. "We have assimilated Ami to our collective mind set! Look out Juuban! Here come the Love Girls!"  
  
Ami groaned. "Did I just make a horrible mistake?" she asked Rei who was biting back a grin.  
  
"It doesn't matter. You know anything having to do with Minako will be over the top."  
  
"Oh dear."  
  
  
  
Setsuna sipped at her tea, suddenly wishing there was something stronger in it. "How is she?"  
  
"I put some sedatives in her water," Michiru sighed. "She's going to sleep without dreaming now."  
  
"I want him dead." Haruka raged. "I want a bounty put on his head and I want him found and hurt. Ii remember a short story I read in school years ago about a man who hunted other men for sport (A.N. – It's true, I did, but I can't for the life of me remember the title of that story! It's standard reading in junior high schools in Canada though).  
  
Michiru nodded. "I remember that story."  
  
Artemis padded into the kitchen, his mouth pulling Usagi's briefcase. "Look in here."  
  
Setsuna arched an eyebrow. "Where's Luna?"  
  
Artemis shook his head. "With Chibi Usa somewhere. I don't know."  
  
"Snooping Artemis? For shame." Haruka said with a smile on her face. Opening the briefcase she pulled out a binder filled with papers. "This is Usagi's writing. I never knew she wrote."  
  
Michiru leaned over Haruka's shoulder. "Look at her grades, they're so good."  
  
"Never mind that Michi," Haruka said. "Read what she's written."  
  
"It's so dark." Michiru said after a moment. "If we had've known about this…it's the path right into her soul. Read it 'Ruka."  
  
Setsuna took a few sheets from the binder and read them. "Help me hold on to what we had, once our love was strong, it can be again. You said it takes two to make love last, you were right all along, so help me hold on." She read. "Most poetic."  
  
"Never mind that," Haruka interrupted. "Listen to this one." She cleared her throat. "I dream I'm in a coffin, soothing black and warm. Hurt cannot invade my senses; pain has no place in my life. Silence greets me and I greet it back with silence.' Those were the thoughts that ran through the head of the young girl. She looked so innocent and pure, no one would ever suspect that her thoughts were blacker than the night itself. Her hurt was tangible, but she never let on to anyone, her friends convinced she was a klutz and a ditz. She saw no need to correct them of their error. Soon, very soon now, she would end this hell that was her life. She couldn't buy a gun but she had other thoughts in mind.'" She looked up at them. "I can't believe kitten would write this."  
  
"Maybe we should put her in therapy?" Michiru suggested, and then shook her head. "Forget it, it's a stupid idea."  
  
"What could she tell them in any case?" Haruka questioned.  
  
Setsuna leaned back in her chair again, mind shaken from the depth of Usagi's words that leapt off the page. "I think I'm going to talk to Mamoru."  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi had spit out the water as soon as Michiru had left, knowing it was probably drugged. For a moment she wistfully wished that if she drank enough of it she'd just die. Knowing her secret writings had been discovered; she crept over to one of her drawers and pulled out a scribbler and a pen. Pen moving furiously, she began to write her feelings, closing her eyes and letting the words take her away. It was the only way she could maintain her grip on sanity.  
  
  
  
Minako closed her eyes, trying to think for a moment. "Maybe locking them in a room together was a bad idea."  
  
"You think?" Makoto snapped.  
  
"But the good that came from it is that they are both on the same page. They re-established their bond for a moment and that's good. I am the…"  
  
"Incarnation of the Goddess of Love." Ami, Rei and Makoto chimed together. "We know!"  
  
"Then you know that I can't let this stop me!" she cried out.  
  
"Please stop her." Rei begged.  
  
"Get a tranquilizer gun." Makoto suggested.  
  
"Where is Motoki?" Minako fumed. "My new boyfriend is ignoring me."  
  
"Anyone who's surprised, raise your hand." Rei muttered.  
  
"I HEARD THAT REI-CHAN!" Minako screamed. "Now you will face the wrath of Aino Minako." Leaping over the coffee table she lunged for Rei who had wisely begun heading for the door. "Come back here and listen to my fabulous plan! It's fabulous and wonderful, just like me!"  
  
Rei ran upstairs, convinced Minako wouldn't risk waking Usagi. She was wrong as Minako thundered up the stairs behind Rei, screaming loud enough to wake the dead. She caught Rei when she stopped dead. Usagi's bedroom was empty, a scribbler of writing fluttering in the wake of the open window.  
  
  
  
"So you know it all now. The question is what are you going to do about it?"  
  
Mamoru opened his eyes to see Sailor Pluto standing over him. "Oh it's you." He closed his eyes again. "However you got in, feel free to use it to get the hell out."  
  
Setsuna whacked him firmly with her Time Staff. "Wake up stupid, I'm here to talk to you."  
  
"I don't trust you." Mamoru muttered.  
  
"Usagi does, and that should be reason enough for you." Setsuna retorted. "Now wake up and get dressed. You do know you're naked right?"  
  
Mamoru's eyes flew open as he blushed and tried to cover himself. Setsuna smirked. "Nothing I haven't seen before Mamoru. Now hurry up, Usagi's by herself having snuck out of the house. I think there's a chance you can talk to her before Minako comes up with another ridiculous plan."  
  
Mamoru nodded, going to get up. "Get out Setsuna." He said through clenched teeth.  
  
Setsuna let out a laugh and walked out to his living room. He joined her a moment later. "This has got to be the most boring apartment I've ever seen in my life." She commented.  
  
"Well I never saw the need to decorate."  
  
"Usagi had it decorated nicely, but after you broke up you took down everything she had done, and then Chibi Usa tore down the rest." She sighed. "How Small Lady has changed! But I'm not here to talk about her, I'm here to talk about your greatest temptation."  
  
"You admit you knew nothing of her pain either?"  
  
Setsuna shook her head. "I confess I was negligent in my duties and I saw what I wanted to see. I am trying to rectify it now."  
  
"How can I fix this?"  
  
Time's Guardian looked at him speculatively. "I have some ideas. Are you willing to listen, at last?"  
  
Mamoru nodded.  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi stood on a lonely dock far from her house, having scrambled out the window the moment she had finished her idea. "My resistance isn't that strong." She said aloud. "Goddess, please help me. Take this pain from me. I can't go on anymore. I'm so weak."  
  
"You are the strongest person I've ever seen in my life."  
  
Usagi whirled and her eyes widened. Mamoru stood behind her. "What are you doing here?" she snapped. "I wanted to be alone."  
  
"Live with it." He replied.  
  
"Say what you need to see say and begone."  
  
"Do you want to sit? This could take awhile."  
  
"I'll stand." She snapped.  
  
"I understand you now."  
  
"How could you understand Mamoru?" she turned angry eyes to him. "You didn't want to see, remember?"  
  
"I was wrong. I know that now."  
  
"Too little too late. You can never understand what I've been through."  
  
"Maybe not the horrors you've lived through no," he began. "But the pain, the loneliness, the bleakness that threatens to overrun your life. That I understand better than anyone else. I can take away your pain Usagi. Please let me in."  
  
"Can I cast my cares upon you? Can you stand that heavy load? Can I count on you to walk me down that long and winding road?" she asked, then shook her head. "No I can't."  
  
"Let me try."  
  
Usagi backed away from him, confusion in her eyes, pain in her heart, yearning in her soul. Uncertain on what to do, she did the one thing she did best. She turned and ran, unable to face him and the truth in his words.  
  
  
  
Serenity stamped her foot. "She always was more stubborn than anyone else. She's proving to be a most vexing girl."  
  
Setsuna looked at her former Queen. "But he broke through." She pointed out. "He let her know that he's kindred."  
  
"It's all up to him now." Queen Serenity nodded. "But will she listen? Not too long ago she swore she wasn't going to let her heart be broken anymore. Now she keeps it locked away and it grows colder in her heart every day."  
  
"That's what she says, but sometimes, she forgets."  
  
  
  
And that is the end of this chapter! Once again I'm sorry for the delay in getting this out. I hope you all enjoyed it. No Flames remember! Minako approaches lunacy with her ideas as she draws her new boyfriend deeper into her web. Should she and Motoki be trapped themselves in a room until Usagi and Mamoru figure out what to do? Read on to find out!  
  
  
  
See you around! 


	8. Chapter 8

Hello all! I guess the last chapter was enjoyable for all the Minako addicts out there and I'm glad. I agree that her plans are approaching lunacy and Minako's story will come out, I might write that as a follow up to this one, but I'm not certain yet, as the character I identify with the most is Usagi and I can write her better than anyone else. Anyway, here we go again! Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter out. Standard disclaimers apply, I do not own Sailor Moon, however if I find a four leaf clover and make a wish then I might...  
  
  
  
Usagi ran blindly through Juuban, trying to get away from the memory of his penetrating eyes, his eyes that haunted her. She had always loved his eyes more than any other part of him, claiming they were as deep and fathomless as the ocean. She knew before he had said it that he was the only other one who could understand and share in her pain, because he had felt pain himself. The other senshi lived in a world that seemed cotton- batted in Usagi's opinion. They had been hurt and known pain, but had they ever known torture of this magnitude. She remembered Haruka saying that Mamoru was not allowed to have hurt feelings. How she wished that was true! Her feelings were hidden so deep inside in a place where no one could find. Staring up at the dark grey sky, she felt something change in her. She was lonely, horribly so. A gust of wind blew her hair out behind her like a golden cape as she collapsed under a tree, rocking herself. Opening herself up to her deepest emotions, she allowed herself to FEEL for the first time in a long time, instead of shutting it off and suppressing the emotions. She didn't shove them far away from her as she normally did, but let herself purge the feelings from inside her. His words had affected her deeper than he'd know…not the words of understanding, for she had long known that he would understand and comfort her without judgement, the one thing the senshi couldn't offer. No, it was the fact that he did still love her and was willing to admit it, the one thing she couldn't do. "What kind of man can hang on this long? What kind of love must this be?" the wondered aloud.  
  
"A love that you have shared before time."  
  
Usagi looked up to see Setsuna. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Do you know how hard I had to hit him with my Time Staff to convince him to get out of bed and come chasing after you?" Setsuna demanded, her hands on her hips. "You are truly the most stubborn girl I have ever met, and that is saying something!"  
  
"Are you here to yell at me?" Usagi asked her, dejected.  
  
"Why did you run?" Setsuna asked gently, knowing full well that her running lay at the root of her problems.  
  
"Why shouldn't I?" Usagi protested. "I've been running for so long. I'm not used to talking to people about my problems. I never have before, and the odd time that I have tried, no one's bothered to listen to me. I have little to no credibility, or I did until recently when suddenly people realized I might have more problems and thoughts then they thought."  
  
"Your writing is so dark Princess." Setsuna sighed. "It has led me to understand more about you than words ever can. I can't believe how you hate yourself, how hateful you feel or how much you love him."  
  
"I didn't mean to fall in love with him!" Usagi burst out. "I tried so hard to hate him and stop loving him, but I couldn't! When it all came down to it, he's just a guy, I'm just a girl and I love him so much that there are times when I think I'll burst of it. I can't let myself feel that, especially for him. I'm dead inside Setsuna, don't you understand? Feeling anything hurts me now. My heart has frozen like the coldest winter night, my soul flown away on the wings of depression, my emotions locked away. All I have are thoughts that haunt me everywhere."  
  
Setsuna sat back on her heels. "Usagi, why couldn't you have at least told us Outers?"  
  
"What would you have said or done?" Usagi scoffed. "Haruka and Michiru might understand sacrifice and letting people die, you might understand loneliness, but can any of you understand that I live with the ghost of Mamoru and me." Usagi smiled bitterly. "I hear his voice call me, I hear footsteps down the hall, while I try to save what's left of my heart and soul. And now there is nothing. He left me Setsuna. HE LEFT ME!" she screamed. "I could forgive him anything at all, I could forgive him cold blooded murder if that's what it took, but I can't forgive him for ignoring me, for leaving me to die!"  
  
"I didn't leave you to die!" Mamoru's harsh voice said behind them.  
  
Usagi whirled around to face a livid Tuxedo Kamen. "How did you find me?"  
  
"It wasn't easy." He said grimly. "Now by god Usagi we are going to talk and you aren't going to walk away from me!"  
  
Usagi shook her head. "I've already told you more than I ever would have thought. Be content with what you know and leave me alone."  
  
Setsuna shook her head, sighing. "Princess, you know I'd rather poke my eyes out with an icepick than agree with Mamoru here, but this time he's right. You two need to talk, and you have to be chained in place so you don't run away."  
  
"Setsuna I thought you had a strict non-intervention policy when it came to things like this." Usagi protested.  
  
"In normal circumstances I do," Setsuna began. "But I am also under direct orders from your mother who's authority supersedes yours."  
  
"So what do you have planned?" Mamoru questioned, letting his transformation go.  
  
"Give me a few minutes to think."  
  
Usagi began backing away. "I have to go."  
  
Setsuna grabbed Usagi in a firm grip. "You stay put."  
  
"Setsuna!" Usagi protested. "Let me go!" However when Usagi looked up into Setsuna's eyes she saw that the Time Guardian's patience was at an end with her princess and she was going to give no quarter.  
  
  
  
"Shimatta!" Minako cursed "Setsuna beat me to them!"  
  
"Good timing Setsuna." Rei muttered, then winced as Minako smacked her upside the head.  
  
"I still think having them locked in the basement was a good idea. They reconnected."  
  
"And she ran like a bat out of hell." Rei retorted.  
  
"Well it works with normal people." Minako mumbled.  
  
"And you are not normal, so how do you know what normal people do?" Rei arched an eyebrow at a subdued Goddess of Love.  
  
Minako's eyes lit up. "I have to go find Motoki."  
  
"Why?" Rei asked, not trusting that gleam in her eyes.  
  
"Because I have an idea and I need my cohorts advice."  
  
"Partner not cohort." Rei sighed. "Go, flee. Just shoo from me."  
  
Minako was already galloping down the road like a Motoki seeking missile.  
  
"Maybe thing will work out despite Minako." Rei commented.  
  
  
  
Motoki glanced up from his studies, taking a much needed break from the arcade. Closing his eyes he paused from his medical studies for a moment only to be shoved off his stool. He opened his eyes to see Minako standing over him and a smile broke out on his face. "Now you are a sight for sore eyes, although I don't appreciate your approach."  
  
Minako hmmphed at him. "Usagi used to barrel into Mamoru with all the force of a 10 ton truck."  
  
"And look where it got them. In love yet both unable to admit it."  
  
"Not true!" Minako protested. "Whatever you said to Mamoru did the trick, because he's not lying about his feelings anymore."  
  
"So it's only Usagi who's in denial."  
  
"And getting worse by the moment." Minako confirmed. "But I have an idea."  
  
"Oh Minako," Motoki groaned. "No more ideas! Just leave them to work it out on their own!"  
  
"We've been waiting for two years and they are no further ahead! I already told you that!" Minako snapped. "It's time for drastic measures and I am the one to carry them out. Being the incarnation of the goddess of love has given me special gifts the senshi don't know about, and one of them is the ability to conjure up a love and truth potion."  
  
Motoki's eyes widened. "No Minako! You can't drug them into telling each other how they feel!"  
  
"I can and I will! It's still their emotions, but without their pride standing in the way to messy things up." Minako persisted. "I am a genius!"  
  
"You can't do this hon!"  
  
Minako leaned forward and planted a firm kiss on his lips. "My darling," she sighed. "You have much to learn about the innerworkings of the heart. When it comes to love, I do not question nor do I doubt. Trust me!"  
  
"Riiiiiiiight." Motoki drawled. "Some of the greatest disasters of humanity resulted in someone saying 'trust me'."  
  
"No faith in his girlfriend! How horrible!" Minako wailed, her voice rising.  
  
"You have spend WAY too much time around Usagi." Motoki muttered.  
  
"You diss my friends!" Minako shrieked. "Oh how could you!?"  
  
"Minako, people are staring." Motoki hissed.  
  
"Let them stare! See the fallen woman that Motoki won't listen to or love!" she waved her arms in wide circles. "Oh woe is me!"  
  
Motoki buried his face in his hands and wondered just what he had gotten himself into.  
  
  
  
"So this is a time bubble." Usagi commented looking at the blank nothingness surrounding them. "The décor sucks."  
  
"I'm sure Setsuna doesn't care at this point." Mamoru sighed. "Usako listen…"  
  
"I told you not to call me that!" Usagi snapped.  
  
"U-S-A-G-I," Mamoru taunted. "She stuck us here to work out our differences."  
  
"Hell will freeze first." She retorted. "I have nothing to say to you."  
  
"I have something to say to you." He began. "Come what may."  
  
Usagi froze. "Come what may?" she repeated.  
  
"I will love you until my dying day."  
  
"No," Usagi shook her head. "You can't tell me that. You can't do that to me!"  
  
"Why not? I lived with a pain and emptiness all my life. When I met you it faded, it went away back to the oblivion that created it. When we broke up I thought the nothingness would consume me, but I got over it and kept my shields down hoping to get you back."  
  
"Well it didn't work. My emptiness is just fine and doesn't need or want you."  
  
"You lie."  
  
"You bastard!" she cried out. "What do you want from me?"  
  
"When I'm with you, suddenly the world seems such a perfect place." He sighed. "I didn't want you to be beaten nearly to death. I couldn't have predicted it."  
  
"Oh really psychic boy?" Usagi snapped. "You the one who claimed you saw the future and knew the truth, the one who says his dreams always come true? You couldn't have predicted or seen what was going to happen to me? Mamoru who had the most to gain from us being apart? Your future self? I think not." She scoffed. "Ah but the enemy and every degenerate who lives in the area gains because we are both weak. We are strong when we are together, when there was faith, hope and love. Now there is none of that."  
  
"I love you." Mamoru said softly.  
  
"I don't care." Usagi yanked her locket off her chest and opened it. "See the ginzuishou? See it?" she asked, at his nod she barrelled forward. "It feeds off my emotions and my heart. My love keeps it glowing bright and strong and in return it keeps me alive."  
  
Mamoru narrowed his eyes at the faded and worn looking gem. "You finally found a way to kill yourself. You'll let all the emotions drain from your heart and then there will be nothing to support the ginzuishou or yourself."  
  
"Precisely." Usagi nodded. "You can give it to Chibi Usa," she said. "It's all she ever really wanted out of me anyway."  
  
"Usagi you can't do this. The ginzuishou is meant to protect you, it won't let you do this." Mamoru protested.  
  
Usagi laughed shortly. "That is where you are wrong Mamoru." She drew in a breath. "The ginzuishou won't harm me to a point, but to use it causes certain death in most cases. I have complete mastery over it now, something I've never told anyone, and we almost symbionts." She paused. "The ginzuishou works on emotion and will. My will is stronger than the desire of the ginzuishou to keep me alive, and therefore it has no choice but to bow to my wishes."  
  
"So you will die."  
  
"At last." Usagi nodded. "And nothing can stop it this time. All I have to do is keep shunning feelings and love and soon I will know the peaceful oblivion I long for."  
  
"And what about me?" he asked softly.  
  
"What about you?" Usagi asked scornfully. "You have no place in my decision."  
  
"You are my soul-mate, my other half. I can't live without you, and if I find out you are dead then I will just lay on your grave and die myself."  
  
"Maybe you should have thought of all this back when you could have repaired it." Usagi retorted. "I can't do this with you again Mamoru."  
  
"It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to love." Mamoru said gently. "Didn't you tell me that back when we first started going out?"  
  
"I was a foolish child then." Usagi crossed her arms.  
  
"And you are a knowledgeable woman now?" He arched an eyebrow.  
  
"I am more than I seem." Usagi replied enigmatically.  
  
"Or perhaps you are less." Mamoru shook his head. "You are less because we have switched roles. I am the one with the feelings and the love and you are the one who won't let herself feel a thing. Who is the hypocrite here Usako?"  
  
"I am not yours!" Usagi stamped her foot. "Stop calling me that."  
  
"You have been mine since the day you were born," He murmured. "And you will always be mine, like I will always be yours. I love you until the end of time. Remember our secret? Come what may?"  
  
"It was a foolish thing." Usagi whispered, fighting tears. He was breaking through and she couldn't let him ever again.  
  
"So you deny that there was ever anything real between us?"  
  
"Yes." She nodded firmly. "It was all foolishness of a childish girl. Our love ended a thousand years ago."  
  
Mamoru said nothing but drew her chin up and lowered his lips to hers. "Deny this." He murmured just before he kissed her.  
  
Usagi forgot all her protestations and all her emptiness. The minute his lips touched hers, her soul yearned for his and her end of the bond reached out for him and found him. For a moment they were one, until Usagi pushed him away. "Don't touch me again."  
  
"Do you deny that there is love?"  
  
"There was nothing." She said. "Just residual effects."  
  
"For a moment I felt your emptiness fade. I am the only one who can make you feel normal again, so why won't you let me in?"  
  
Usagi turned her back on him, her silence speaking volumes.  
  
  
  
  
  
Motoki groaned when he realized his break was long over. The only way he had been able to make Minako shut up was by kissing the daylights out of her very firmly. She was currently so happy about him still wanting her that she was doing a little dance as she mixed up the love and truth potion she had convinced him Usagi and Mamoru needed. Motoki had to agree, they needed all the help they could get, because as long as they had breath, Usagi in particular, this fight would never end. "I am the new goddess of love and I will succeed with these two or else I sacrifice Motoki to the gods!" Minako burst out.  
  
Motoki groaned and wondered if he had time to make out a will.  
  
  
  
And that is the end of that! After almost 2 days of writers block, I hope my neighbours will forgive me for pulling out the big guns and blasting my specially created writing cd's, to be used only when I have massive writers block. So with the volume at 50, in a townhouse with shaking walls and me partially deaf, I'll tell them sorry. To all those who told me the name of the short story I mentioned last chapter, thank you! And to those who emailed me and mentioned that I made a reference to the Borg last chapter, I did, I wanted to see if anyone would notice. Remember I write based on reviews so review but be kind! No flames! Next chapter – Minako and her love potion, Setsuna, Haruka and Michiru come up with a plan of their own as Usagi attacks Mamoru!  
  
Don't forget to check out my websites! Email me if you want! Reviews and email keep the funny farm people away from me!  
  
Later! 


	9. Chapter 9

Hello all! Thank you for the lovely reviews I've been receiving, I really appreciate them. For those who mentioned the 'vieux' when it should have been 'veux' that was deliberate and intentional, not a mistake on my part since French is my first language. I have not only been working on this fanfic, but I am editing a novel I wrote – which is not a fanfic and am occupied with writing the sequel at the same time, so writers block does get to me. In any case, please read and review and be kind. I hope you all enjoy! Standard disclaimers apply…I don't own SM as if you didn't already know that so don't bother to sue me. Thanks to my best friend Necton_Minako for being my sounding board as usual and letting me test drive ideas on your very small brain (kidding!).  
  
  
  
Setsuna had no intention of letting them out of her time bubble. She watched as Usagi turned her back on Mamoru, refusing to say anything more and she shut her eyes in frustration. "Where she goes, time will tell." She shook her head. "She roams all by herself."  
  
"He's headed for a single destination, he doesn't care what's standing in his path, he's the line between two points of separation." Haruka sighed. "Where he goes, time will tell. He rolls all by himself."  
  
"Yes but every now and then he offers her a shoulder, and every now and then she overflows." Michiru said. "And every now and then a bridge crosses over and it's the moment that every lover knows."  
  
"Poetically put." Setsuna nodded. "The problem isn't getting them to talk, since they have already said everything that needs to be said, but getting them to lay down their pride and barriers."  
  
"Usagi follows the path of least resistance." Haruka said, despair in her voice. "She twists and turns with no regards to distance, she never comes to a stop. She just roams through her life now and she can't live that way, not kitten."  
  
"The stubborn force and the immovable object." Michiru confirmed. "What can we do?"  
  
"Minako is making a love and truth potion, perhaps…" Haruka shook her head. "What am I saying?"  
  
"I think we need to eliminate Minako from the picture, then at least it would be safe for them to walk the streets." Setsuna said musingly.  
  
"Why hasn't Queen Serenity gone to see her daughter, after all she's been through…"  
  
"Because she can't stand to see the Princess like this," Setsuna said sadly. "She doesn't know what to say or what to do."  
  
"Maybe all Usagi needs is a mother's hug and love. Since her family was killed, she hasn't known love like that at all."  
  
"I mentioned that to her Haruka, but where do you think Usagi gets her stubbornness from in the first place? Queen Serenity is afraid to face her daughter, afraid she'll treat her mother like she's treating Mamoru."  
  
"Kitten would never do that." Haruka shook her head. "She's not capable. No matter how much she says she's gotten rid of all emotion in her heart, trying to kill herself by forcing the ginzuishou to bow to her will, there is still some shred of hope and love in her heart. She's too pure to be as cold as she lets on."  
  
"Agreed." Michiru nodded. "But how do we get her to see that?"  
  
"No one can force Usagi to do anything, no one ever could." Setsuna explained. "It's one of the reasons Rei and Luna were always so frustrated with her. Her will is stronger than anyone I've ever seen before, and that is the problem right there."  
  
"So since Usagi is a write off, what else can we do?" Haruka asked, frustration in her voice.  
  
"Take Minako out of the picture." Michiru suggested.  
  
Setsuna nodded. "That's our plan of action."  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi didn't dare turn around and face Mamoru. "What else can I do?" she whispered aloud.  
  
"What do you mean Usagi?"  
  
"Not a damn thing. I wasn't talking to you." She snapped. "I was thinking aloud."  
  
"When people talk to themselves, it's a sign of insanity…"  
  
"Shut the hell up." Usagi snarled.  
  
"Usagi, if you don't change, then all through eternity you'll roam alone."  
  
"I'll be long dead by then. I feel the weakness setting in from the weak ginzuishou."  
  
"If there is nothing left inside the ginzuishou, then how can I give it to Chibi Usa?" he questioned.  
  
"She has much life and energy in her, and the ginzuishou will respond to her. I will speak the incantation to formally give it to her, so don't worry about your precious daughter."  
  
"I wasn't concerned about her." Mamoru sighed. "I don't love Chibi Usa, I love you."  
  
"Then you've changed your opinion rapidly." Usagi turned and faced him. "You always took her side over mine, never believing me on anything I said about her."  
  
"I was wrong."  
  
"There's a phrase I never thought I'd hear out of you." Usagi said scornfully.  
  
"At least I can admit when I was wrong and what I feel inside. Why can't you do as much?" Mamoru grabbed her by her shoulders, almost shaking her. "Why can't you open up?"  
  
"I hurt inside!" Usagi screamed into his face. "I burn inside! I feel so much and yet nothing at all! I can't contain what I feel inside. It terrifies and thrills me at the same time. I can't deal with this constant bombardment. I love you and yet I hate you. I'd forget you, but I'm afraid to. You love me…or did you? The only thing I know for certain, in spite of my hurting is that I'm yours and I don't want to be. From laughing to crying, from living to dying, from heaven to a heartache, that pretty much describes everything you've ever put me through."  
  
"Blame your problems on me if you want."  
  
"But I don't want to! I have to take responsibility for my actions, for the first time in my life. Yes some of my problems originate with you, but you did not cause all of them." Usagi shook her head. "I grew up Mamoru."  
  
"Your problems always began with me. When I turned evil under Beryl and tortured you, when I forgot you with Ail and Ann, and then when I broke up with you." Mamoru began.  
  
"Yes," Usagi wrapped her arms around herself. "You could have torn my heart out with a grappling hook and it would have hurt less."  
  
"And through it all you still loved me and never gave up on me."  
  
"Loving and hoping gave me life and the will to go on."  
  
"Until I left you to be hurt by that man." Mamoru concluded.  
  
"That was when I stopped believing and hoping in you, stopped trusting you, but I never stopped loving you. No, that came later." Usagi sighed. "I remember, I saw you with some pretty red head girl out on the lake, you were having a good time and laughing. I watched you help her out of the boat and kiss her gently. I knew then that it was over. I finally accepted that fact and I let you go. I didn't waste any of my time on you again…or perhaps I spent all of it thinking of you." She said musingly.  
  
"I was trying to get over you, and it didn't work. I always loved you Usagi, and you always loved me and it's as simple as that." Mamoru felt her starting to weaken, her barriers starting to crack. Her verbal attack wounded him, but he understood she had to let it out.  
  
"Is it?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Minako held up her creation and stared at it lovingly. "Now come Motoki, we must find Usagi and Mamoru and drop this in their food or drink."  
  
"Minako I'm begging you, don't do this." Motoki pleaded. "Come on."  
  
"Now darling, you have to trust in me." Minako pinched his cheek. "Oh you're just so cute."  
  
"What do you hope to accomplish with this?"  
  
"Motoki, it's a fine line between love and hate," Minako began noticing his eyes bugging out of his head. "What?"  
  
"You got it right!" He exclaimed. "She got the metaphor right!" he began dancing around. "She got it right!"  
  
Minako blushed. "Stop it. Now where are they?"  
  
"Wellllllllllllllllll," he drawled, unable to believe he was about to do this, but knowing that Usagi and Mamoru were making progress on their own, and if Minako kept meddling they'd never get anywhere. "Haruka phoned while you were making that concoction, and she said Usagi and Mamoru are at her place. She's on your side."  
  
"Excellent." Minako rubbed her hands together.  
  
"You worry me." Motoki sighed.  
  
"Touché, touché." Minako grinned. "I am a wishy washy girl, but it's a wishy washy world!" she flung her arms out. "C'est la vie, la vie. That's what you get when you get me. I have the right to change my mind at least a couple hundred times."  
  
"Come on, let's go before Usagi and Mamoru make another infamous escape." He closed his eyes in pain. Minako was going to kill him!  
  
Minako was currently dancing around the arcade. "My whole world's changed with you and my wonderful fix up projects."  
  
"Maybe if you left them alone to work things out…?" he winced at her evil glare.  
  
"The reason I'm strange is…"  
  
"I don't want to know." He interrupted.  
  
"Go away, no wait a minute!" Minako snapped her fingers. "Let me grab my potion and we'll go to Haruka's house."  
  
'Give me strength.' Motoki beseeched to the goddess.  
  
  
  
Setsuna opened the time bubble at last. "Ok you two, get out."  
  
"Finally." Usagi breathed leaping out the opening.  
  
"You didn't resolve anything did you?" She put her hands on her hips.  
  
"Actually I felt we made progress Setsuna." Mamoru said, a funny look on his face. He turned to Usagi. "I won't bother you any more. You need time to yourself to process everything and come to terms with what you are feeling and thinking. I'll leave you alone and wait for you to come to me."  
  
"Hell might freeze first." She retorted.  
  
"I'm willing to take that chance. You know where to find me and my number if you want to talk or change your mind." He nodded to Setsuna and walked off towards his apartment.  
  
Usagi watched him walk away and glanced at Setsuna who watched him with a speculative look on her face. "What?" she snapped.  
  
"You don't get much more honest than he's been Princess." Setsuna told her. "Perhaps you've fought long enough and it's time to drop the barriers. You can't do it all by yourself. Go to him Usagi, you need him and he needs you."  
  
Usagi shook her head, confusion lancing through all her carefully thought out plans and excuses. In the end, they were excuses. "I'm so afraid." She whispered. "What if he hurts me again? What if he betrays me?"  
  
"You think he'd allow that after this debacle?"  
  
"I need to think this through." She leapt on the excuse to delay.  
  
"The best excuse is no excuse." Setsuna said firmly.  
  
Usagi looked at the senshi who was normally so kind and understanding. "Why are you doing this?"  
  
"It's time to stop running and face your inner demons Usagi. It's time to let them go."  
  
"I can't." Usagi murmured. She gave Setsuna one final look and then ran away.  
  
  
  
"Hi Haruka. So where are they? No sense in delaying." Minako looked around the entry way eagerly.  
  
Haruka rolled her eyes. "They're not standing in the middle of the foyer silly."  
  
"I knew that." She shoved Haruka aside and barged in. "Hi Michiru!" she called out.  
  
Michiru had just finished cleaning one of their closets and had a slight layer of dust on her head. "Hi Minako. Would you come over here and hold something for me?"  
  
Minako set her potion down and ran over to help. "What am I holding?"  
  
"Forgive us, but this for the good of the earth." Michiru whispered as she shoved Minako in the closet.  
  
Minako only had time to give a startled shriek and she heard the lock turn. "Motoki! Let me the hell out of here!"  
  
"I'm so sorry Minako, but Usagi and Mamoru have to do this without your help. Forgive me." He pleaded through the wooden door.  
  
"You are a dead man!" she screeched.  
  
Motoki turned to Haruka and Michiru who were shaking hands and congratulating themselves. "We have to let her out of there." He declared.  
  
Haruka held out a box. "Earplugs?"  
  
  
  
Usagi knelt at Rei's temple, her mind awash in confusion. "What do I do?"  
  
"Oh it's you." A nasty voice said behind her.  
  
She turned. "Chibi Usa." She said in a flat voice. She could think of nothing else to say to her future daughter.  
  
"Why are you here?" Chibi Usa demanded.  
  
"I have some thinking to do." Usagi replied.  
  
"There's a first, you thinking." She snorted.  
  
"Why do you hate me so?" Usagi asked in a small voice. "Am I so horrible?"  
  
"You wanted to keep me from Mamo-chan, you're a klutz and a ditz, you're stupid and moronic and no one really likes you." Chibi Usa said, ticking them off on her fingers.  
  
"I see." Usagi murmured. "I never knew everyone regarded me that way."  
  
"We don't," an acidic voice broke in. "Chibi Usa how dare you talk to her that way."  
  
Usagi looked up to see Rei. "Hi Rei."  
  
Rei smiled at her friend. "Hi Usagi. Feeling any better?"  
  
"Can I use your phone?"  
  
"You know where it is. I want to have a little word with Chibi Usa."  
  
Usagi nodded and headed to her phone inside the jinja. She dialed the number she knew so well, the number she had never forgot, the number she hadn't dialed in years. His answering machine answered. "Hi this is Mamoru. If you're calling about the computer, I sold it, if this is Tuesday night I have research group, if this is a telemarketer you're wasting your time, I'm not buying. If it's anybody else, wait for the beep and you know what to do. If this is Usagi, I still love you."  
  
Usagi dropped the phone.  
  
  
  
Minako had finally stopped trying to break the door down, or so Motoki assumed because it was no longer shaking. He had a feeling of foreboding and noticing Haruka had a suspicious look on her face as well. The door was blown open as Sailor Venus stood there, surrounded by a glowing orange aura, seething mad. Taking the earplugs out of his ears, he smiled. "Minako, love, now put your arms down…"  
  
"Venus…" she intoned, furious.  
  
"Come on now Venus, calm down. It was necessary and it didn't hurt you." Haruka held up her arms.  
  
"We needed you out of the way for a little bit. You're a bit of a disaster. We couldn't let you drug them!" Michiru added, trying to keep her from exploding.  
  
"Love…"  
  
"Please don't mess up my living room!" Michiru asked.  
  
"And Beauty…" Minako's face had turned and interesting shade of red.  
  
"Duck!" Haruka yelled abruptly.  
  
"Shock!" Minako threw her attack, managing to destroy most of the living room.  
  
By the time Motoki, Michiru and Haruka were able to see through the debris, Minako was gone with her potion. "Great, now we have a furious Sailor Venus on the loose and dead set on one purpose." Motoki groaned.  
  
"We should have taken her henshin rod." Michiru added.  
  
"You think?" Haruka asked furiously.  
  
"What do we do now?"  
  
"Hunt her down and chain her to a chair." Haruka said, no joke in her tone.  
  
"I'm a dead man." Motoki moaned.  
  
"Stop complaining and start hunting!" Michiru snapped. "Find Usagi and you'll find Minako I'm certain."  
  
"Call Setsuna, get her here to help." Haruka instructed. "Motoki, you just get going."  
  
He couldn't get out of there fast enough, fearing Haruka's wrath worse than Minako's.  
  
  
  
  
  
And that ends that! I almost ended the whole story in this chapter, but decided to add one last chapter to fully cover all the bases. I hope you enjoyed this, and to those who emailed and asked me, yes I have another fanfic idea in the works and I'll give a mention of it at the end of the next chapter and see if anyone is interested in reading and reviewing anything else I write. I do hope people like my work! Read and review but be kind. No Flames please. Emails and reviews keep me sane, so email me people! Check out my websites too! 


	10. Chapter 10

Hello all once more! Well here we are at the last chapter of this current story, but I've been working on another fanfic which will be my first attempt at a romantic comedy (once again Usagi and Mamoru, with Minako interference – though not to the extreme she went in this story) which I'm titling "What if I do?" I'm so glad so many people liked my last chapter, and yes I did make reference to the song Austin and forgot to mention it in my notes, so I'll mention it here because I may use it again since I love that song. I'm so glad that other people and not just me are able to identify with Usagi's pain here, since I'm putting a lot of my own personal experiences down here and the like. So without further ado, here is the final chapter. Hope you all keep reading the rest of my work, I might try putting out two fanfics at once…we'll see. It depends on how many people indicate they'd like to keep reading my stuff. Remember I write based on reviews, so read, review and be kind. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
A seething Sailor Venus raced through the streets of Juuban, heading for the Hikawa Jinja. "How dare they lock me in a closet. Oh Motoki will pay for that one." She muttered under her breath, racing across the grounds. She came a dead halt when she saw Rei and a very subdued Chibi Usa. "Rei! What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.  
  
Rei rolled her eyes. "I live here stupid."  
  
"I knew that." Minako nodded.  
  
Rei gestured to the concoction that Minako held in her hands. "Is that the love and truth potion you want to use on Mamoru and Usagi?"  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"Give me some of it. I want to use it on Chibi Usa here to see how she really feels about her mother. I don't think she hates her as much as she lets on."  
  
"I don't know about that Rei." Minako eyed the pink haired girl warily.  
  
Chibi Usa lifted her head and let out a string of curses that weren't appropriate for a child her age. Minako and Rei raised their eyebrows. "She must have heard Usagi last time she lost her temper." Rei commented, then winced. "That's one I haven't heard before."  
  
The doors to the jinja opened and Usagi stood before them, tears in her eyes. "I have to go."  
  
"What happened?" Rei demanded. "Are you ok?"  
  
Usagi looked at Rei and Minako, her eyes bright and her smile radiant for the first time in a long time. "I think I'm ok Rei. I need to find Motoki."  
  
"Motoki? Shouldn't it be Mamoru?"  
  
"Not yet." Usagi shook her head. She walked over to Chibi Usa and looked down at her future daughter. "I don't know if you realize that they way you've been treating me is screwing and diminishing your chances of ever being born, since I know what kind of a child you'll be I really don't want to have you. Sorry about that."  
  
Chibi Usa's eyes widened, obviously never having thought about it. "I don't want you to have Mamo-chan."  
  
"But he's your father." Usagi said gently. "Why do you want him so?"  
  
"He's mine. He always loved me more than you, even in the future, always put me before you, always believed me over you. He was never yours once I came." Chibi Usa spat.  
  
Usagi smiled gently. "Believe what you want. Perhaps he was like that in the future, but he won't be now, I assure you. Everything that happens here in the past affects the memories of those in the future and when you finally do return home, it will be to a far different future than the one you left. Think on that for awhile." She nodded at the girls. "See you."  
  
  
  
  
  
Mamoru was skipping stones over the lake musing that it was like the blue of her eyes. "God I'm pathetic." He muttered aloud.  
  
"Agreed."  
  
He glanced over his shoulder and saw the Outers standing there. "What do you want?" he groaned. "I think you've all done enough."  
  
"We may have made things worse." Haruka said sheepishly. "We kind of locked Minako in a closet and ignored her."  
  
"Until she broke down the door." Michiru finished. "Now she's hunting you and Usagi."  
  
Mamoru's eyes were very wide as he bit back laughter. "What were you thinking when you did that?" he asked in a too-calm voice.  
  
"We were trying to help you and Kitten."  
  
Mamoru burst out laughing, his first true laughter in a very long time. "That has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard."  
  
"About as dumb as leaving Usagi." Haruka retorted.  
  
"I've made up and suffered for my mistake."  
  
"And now you give her the space to work out her problems. I think you've succeeded where all others failed." Setsuna nodded. "Though I can't be certain yet."  
  
"Well thank you." Mamoru nodded.  
  
"Thank yourself." Haruka replied. "It was your persistence that may have drawn her back."  
  
Mamoru stood there, a dumbstruck look on his face; desperately wanting to believe it was true, unable to consider that he had finally done what he yearned for. Had he really gotten her back?  
  
  
  
  
  
Usagi raced into the arcade, certain Motoki was here. "Oniisan!" she called out. "Where are you?"  
  
Motoki poked his head around the corner. "Are you alone?"  
  
Usagi looked bewildered. "I am."  
  
He came the rest of the way out. "What can I do for you imouto?"  
  
Usagi took a deep breath. "I called Mamoru's answering machine…"  
  
"You heard his message." Motoki nodded. "You haven't dialled his number since you broke up did you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"The message changes every few days, but the last part about his still loving you has been on his machine for two years." Motoki admitted. "I've wanted to tell you so often."  
  
Usagi dropped her head, tears welling up. "Thank you Motoki. That's all I needed to hear."  
  
"Did it work Usagi? Has he finally broken through your barriers? Do you finally want to stop killing yourself?" Motoki asked gently.  
  
Usagi looked up at him. "I don't know Motoki, all I know is that I hurt inside because I'm FEELING. I haven't felt or let myself feel for so long. I have all this emotion and it HURTS. I'm not used to emotion anymore."  
  
Motoki hugged her tightly. "Imouto, go to him. He needs you just like you need him. You complete each other and keep each other out of the darkness that threatens."  
  
"But Motoki, what if he hurts me again? What if he betrays me?" Usagi asked wretchedly.  
  
"Love is about trust imouto. Without trust there can be no love, so you have to take a risk and decide to trust him again, or not." Motoki said gently. "Close your eyes little sister and tell me how you feel about him, right here, right now."  
  
Usagi shook her head. "I can't Motoki."  
  
"Then perhaps he doesn't mean as much to you as he thought."  
  
Usagi closed her eyes, was she willing to gamble with her whole being again? "I love him. Until the end of time." She said softly.  
  
"Then go to him Usagi and tell him. There is no more remorse, no more love and hate, just love." Motoki urged her.  
  
Usagi looked at him and hugged him tightly. "Thank you Oniisan." She smiled. "I love you too."  
  
"I know." He chuckled.  
  
Usagi ran from the arcade heading for her lonely home to do some thinking. "I can't believe I just saw that." An awestruck voice said from the shadows.  
  
Motoki's eyes widened in fear. "Minako."  
  
Minako walked over to him. "I doubt I could have done better with her."  
  
"I just know her differently from her. You talk to her like a friend, I talk to her like a brother." (A.N – I WISH my brother would be so understanding, instead he talks of guerrilla warfare.)  
  
Minako smiled. "I bow in the presence of a master."  
  
"Is your rampage done?" Motoki asked hopefully.  
  
"For them. Ami and Ryo are my next project."  
  
Motoki groaned. "Minako, why don't you concentrate on another couple instead?"  
  
She eyed him suspiciously. "What couple?"  
  
"Us." Motoki pulled her close and kissed her.  
  
Minako decided Ami and Ryo could wait awhile longer as she wrapped her arms around Motoki's neck. For the first time in years, the cursed scout felt love and gave herself up to the emotion she embodied but had never felt. She understood Usagi much better now, the inflection she'd get in her voice, the look she'd get on her face when she spoke of Mamoru. She understood and she wished her friend well then gave herself up to the emotion in Motoki's kiss.  
  
  
  
Usagi looked at herself in the mirror, still seeing the same horrid person, the same person laden with guilt, the same person with blood on her hands, the one unworthy of love. She saw this person in the mirror with a smile on her face. She opened her locket and nearly dropped it as the glow practically blinded her. Somehow he had gotten to her before she knew it. "It's so confusing these questions of the heart." She murmured. "He's followed me through changes, and patiently he's waited."  
  
"He's waited long enough." Usagi nodded. "I can't go on alone and I'm so tired of being lonely." She knew she had a long road ahead of her, many issues to still work through, but she would do it with him. She remembered something her mother had told her long ago, and now she knew the truth of those words. Simple words that shook her soul. "The greatest gift you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." She smiled. "I remember how to love."  
  
Unwilling…unable – to wait another minute, she pinched her cheeks to put colour in them and then left her house, no longer quite so empty. She could have sworn she heard the sighs of her dead family, encouraging and happy for her, willing to let their souls rest at last.  
  
  
  
He was in the park. Appropriate he thought, since this was where Chibi Usa first fell on Usagi's head and things came unravelled from there. "I'll wait forever if I have to." His spine stiffened when he sensed he wasn't alone. "Who's there?"  
  
(A.N - direct quote from 'Austin' here because it fits just so well…) "If you're asking about my heart, it's still yours, I should have listened to it a little more, then it wouldn't have taken me so long to know where I belong." A pause. "I still love you."  
  
He shook his head, convinced he was hallucinating. Turning slowly, he saw Usagi standing there like an angel of mercy. "What?" he asked, unable to believe his ears.  
  
"You've waited until I came to my senses through some miracle of fate." Usagi smiled. "I still hurt and I have a lot to work through and get over, but you were right. You take away my emptiness, my loneliness. The guilt and pain may never go away, but if I know I'll have you with me, then I can move on."  
  
"Usako?" he whispered.  
  
She shook her head. "Good luck, it finally struck like lightning from the blue. Every highway leads me back to you." She walked closer to him. "All is said and done, the search has come full circle, and our destinies are one." She paused. "You were with me all the while."  
  
Mamoru closed his eyes. She had come back to him. He reached for their broken and tarnished bond and felt her reaching for him. The force of their joining made him feel he had never seen the sky before. He knew her fears, knew what she was risking by coming back to him and he vowed he'd never hurt her again. "I love you." It was all he could say.  
  
It was enough. Standing on her tiptoes, she brushed a lock of his hair from his face. "Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste."  
  
"Never." He wrapped an arm around her waist. "I'm going to kiss you now."  
  
"And about time." She grinned. "I love you too. Come what may."  
  
Their lips joined and the chasm that existed in their hearts healed, a bridge once more rebuilt.  
  
  
  
"Get your head down Haruka! I can't see!" Rei protested in a hot whisper.  
  
"WOW!" Makoto exclaimed softly. "His hands are moving!"  
  
"Look at her, I never knew a back could arch that far!" Minako added, her hand squeezing Motoki's.  
  
"Guys, this is wrong, we shouldn't be doing this!"  
  
"In that case Ami, why are you here?"  
  
"Oh no, Chibi Usa!" Ami exclaimed.  
  
"She'll ruin everything!" Michiru snapped. "Damn it!"  
  
"Shut up and listen."  
  
  
  
"Usagi?" a small voice managed to break through the passion induced fog that had enveloped Usagi and Mamoru. He had bent her back and stretched her nearly to the breaking point and she didn't give a damn. She wasn't alone anymore and her heart was full.  
  
Groaning in frustration, Mamoru helped her up as they broke apart. "Chibi Usa." She sighed.  
  
Chibi Usa ground her toe into the ground. "I'm sorry you know. I know I'm a brat. I watched my mummy in the future and she's so graceful and elegant, never gets upset or cries or has anything wrong with her. When I came to the past and found out it was you, I expected you to be just like her. When you didn't live up to that, I felt I had the right to judge you, to hurt you. I was disappointed. For Mamoru, I knew you were my future father, but he's there, and he always told me I was his special number one girl. I've always loved my father in a way that was more than a daughter should I guess."  
  
"Oedipus complex." Mamoru nodded. "I have heard of it."  
  
"I thought it was Freudian." Usagi jabbed him with an elbow. "What are you trying to say Chibi Usa?"  
  
"I'm sorry. I know you can't forgive me for how horrible I've been over the last few years and that's fine. I'm going back to the future to stay there. So, goodbye." She nodded. "I'll be nicer to you in the future too."  
  
Usagi smiled. "Thank you Chibi Usa, that means a lot."  
  
She said nothing as she raised the time key and vanished through her little hole in the sky. "And in the end I stand back at the beginning with you."  
  
Mamoru glanced at the shaking and giggling bushes. "You can come out now minna."  
  
They all fell out onto the pathway. "Oh hi." Haruka smiled from her undignified position. "Just doing some recon here, checking for youma activity."  
  
"Right!" the others chimed.  
  
Haruka pulled herself to her feet. "However Mamoru, take this as a warning…you break her heart, I'll break your neck." She smiled.  
  
Usagi didn't give Mamoru a chance to answer. She drew his head back to hers and pulled him close as her friends formed a protective circle around her, all vowing to keep the alone away from one who never should feel hurt like that again.  
  
  
  
**May the circle be unbroken…**  
  
  
  
And that is the end of this fanfic! I hope you all enjoyed it. I ran into a bit of trouble towards the end, but thought I did pretty good. Depression is a serious and dangerous thing, I know this because I have lived through a serious one, but if you have a good net of friends and Usagi did in this story and as I did in real life, then you can work through it. As I mentioned, I'm already working on my next fanfic, I've decided to do 2 at once, one is "What if I do" which is a romantic comedy and the other one is still untitled, so I hope people will want to read them! Please email me and let me know! Check out my websites!  
  
Talk to you all tomorrow! ~_^ 


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